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The Last Action Hero Schwarzenegger's Narcissism Bomb
1993 Review of "The Last Action Hero"
------------------------ "Seen this one?"
The senior archivist at the National Video Library tossed the data-slide onto his younger colleague's desk. The label read: " 'Last Action Hero' -- Arnold Schwarzenegger -- 1993."
"Nope. Worth my time?"
"For historical reasons only."
"Schwarzenegger. Wasn't he the robot in 'The Terminator'? That one still holds up -- even if they did a bad job of predicting the 21st century." The young video scholar, who had worked at the library since 2035, knew that -- whatever else had happened during his lifetime -- computer-controlled battle machines hadn't waged a war of extermination on humankind.
"The man was type-cast as a robot. Perfect fit. He became mega-popular in the 1980s, when American audiences developed a fixation on muscle-men toting machine guns. Then, in the 1990s, he just faded."
"What happened?"
"He made this." The archivist pointed to the data-slide.
"Can it have been so bad?"
"See for yourself."
Two hours later, the scholar stepped into the archivist's office. "What did you think?"
"It's so ... diffuse. There's no center. I just don't get it. But then I'm no expert on Late Hollywood -- my specialty's video self-chroniclers of the '10s and '20s. Explain this to me."
"First, you have to remember that the late 20th century was an age of corporate consolidation. Big companies, like consumer-electronics giants, bought relatively small ones, like movie studios. The new owners thought they could guarantee profits by paying big money to whoever was top-dog star at the time. In the early 1990s, Schwarzenegger was on top, so Sony, which had bought Columbia Pictures, grabbed him and threw money at his film. In the meantime, though, Sony's real interest was in using the movie to plug its products -- like that antiquated minidisc player you see in one scene. The company didn't know much about making good entertainment.
"That was the province of Schwarzenegger himself, who executive-produced his own film, and director John McTiernan. They started out with the story of a legendary action hero named Jack Slater and a kid who uses a magic ticket to enter Slater's comic-book movie world. That theme, of course, had already become an old standby, going all the way back to Buster Keaton's 'Sherlock, Jr.' 'Last Action Hero' focused itself much more narrowly on the conventions of the '80s action genre -- although you probably noticed that it keeps changing those rules, inventing them on the fly.
"As far as I can tell, "Last Action Hero' aimed to provide a hip, self-aware commentary on the action genre. The movie, naturally, was full of exploding houses, car chases and mass shoot-outs; but it's also packed with knowing, winking references to other movies, in particular to Schwarzenegger's own oeuvre.
"The filmmakers hired some quality actors: Anthony Quinn, Charles Dance and F. Murray Abraham were the villains. Mercedes Ruehl was the kid's mother. Art Carney, Ian McKellen, even Joan Plowright took other small roles. The pivotal role of the kid was filled by some insufferable borderline adolescent, but otherwise, the acting talent was there.
"What the filmmakers lacked was any grasp of the genres they were trying to cross-breed. They didn't know whether they were making an adventure thriller or a comedy. With its countless star cameos, movie-trivia gags and flatulence jokes, in fact, what 'Last Action Hero' most often resembled was a spoof movie -- like the contemporaneous 'Naked Gun' and 'Loaded Weapon' series. But its spoofing kept collapsing into seriousness.
"More than anything, the film was a narcissism-bomb -- a star vehicle stuck in a showroom with mirrors on every wall. 'Last Action Hero' was mostly about the franchise of Arnold Schwarzenegger's name itself. Never before had a star's real-life name been so aggressively promoted within one of his own movies.
"Take that climax -- it's set at the 'real-world' premiere of Schwarzenegger's latest Jack Slater film. Here, Slater himself, who has followed some villains through the screen back into our world, has to play bodyguard to the 'real' Schwarzenegger. The filmmakers tried to distract you with ironic jabs -- like having Schwarzenegger's wife, Maria Shriver, beg him not to plug his restaurants. But the movie had shown its hand: its true theme was the protection of Arnold's own status -- not as the 'last' action hero but as the only 'real' one."
The scholar looked puzzled. "I was trying to read the symbolism of the 'magic ticket.' I thought perhaps it was a reference to the studios' need, in that era, for blockbusters so huge they endowed the company's images with a kind of mythic invulnerability."
"I'm afraid you're looking too deeply into what was simply a dumb device. Slightly more interesting, I think, was the brief 'Hamlet' parody at the movie's start -- hardly original, of course, but still good for a few laughs."
"What happened to Schwarzenegger? Did the film destroy his career?"
"Not exactly. You couldn't take out a megastar of that period with one bomb. But he started to lose ground; people began to see his self-absorption for what it was, and what had once been considered cool came to be viewed as pathetic."
"You seem to remember the film awfully well." The senior archivist took off his glasses and rubbed his wrinkled eyes. "Well, the truth is I saw this one myself when it came out. In a theater. Must have been 13, 14 years old. It was a turning point. I knew there was something awful about it, but I couldn't say what. Got me interested in the field -- and so here I am."
"So how should we archive it?"
"Label it 'of scholarly interest -- little entertainment value.' Then move on to something more important." |
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