Mr. President, please attack Appalachia.
You have promised the Iraqis that they will share in the wealth of their
oil. We could use some of that same sharing here. We have coal and timber
that is being extracted, yet very little of the profits remain in our area.
If the Iraqis are to share in the profits from their natural resources, we
would like to share in the profits from ours.
You have promised healthcare for all Iraqis. We could use the same thing
here. . . . .
. . . . We have weapons of mass destruction. Just go inspect the former
uranium enrichment plant near Piketon, Ohio. You will still find all sorts
of radioactive waste on and around that site. Test our waters. Test our
ground. Test our air. You will find an abundance of chemical and biological
agents that could be used as weapons. We literally live among them.
After all, Appalachia is America's third world. . . . .
. . .
You might experience some local militia counterstrikes, but those will
probably be disorganized and minor. After all, Appalachia lacks any central
command, what with its being comprised of the parts of twelve states and
only the whole of one state. West Virginia could be your focus. Find
someone evil there to target, such as Jay Rockefeller.
He asked the FBI to investigate those forged documents you used to help
justify your war against Iraq. How embarrassing that must have been:
International Atomic Energy Agency Chief Mohamed ElBaradei addressed the UN
and publicly humiliated you by showing your assertion that Iraq was trying
to import uranium from Niger was based on crudely faked information.
Someone should pay for such an embarrassment and who better than a Democrat
who is a Rockefeller?
So Mr. President, you have all the elements you need: weapons of mass
destruction, a nearly third world enemy, potential terrorists, someone to
call evil, and an easy path to victory. Now all you have to do is attack.
And please, do it soon. We need the reparations, better schools, better
infrastructure, universal healthcare, and a fair share in the wealth of our
own resources.
You also promised Iraq democracy. We could use that here as well.
Please, Mr. President, attack Appalachia next.
