Tuesday, September 10, 2002

We've talked about adopting another child into our family. You know how much I adore kids. And you have certainly made it clear you would like to have a little brother or sister. Apparently the Federal Government concurs because they have developed a website where a potential adoptive family can peruse lists of kids available for adoption. The only problem with this of course is that we would have to deal once again with the DCFS; the most blatently incompetent and abusive bureaucracy to have ever effected our lives. I can't help but wonder if Bush and his cronies consider putting money and or responsibility into reforming the foster care system nationwide or is it just easier to put up a nifty web site where you can shop for kids like out of a catalog? So if we do end up adopting a child at some point we will have to go through a private firm, because I will NOT EVER willingly deal with the DCFS again, and figure out some way to swallow the cost. We'll see what the future brings. Comments in response to this post: You said that you don't want L to find out where you live, but you link to the LA County DCFS. I guess you mean you don't want her to know where specifically in LA you live? Daryl [daryl@keepthinking.cc] • 8/1/02; 1:52:09 PM Daryl, Good question. She does know that I am in LA County. I have a court order dictating that I have to stay here unless I seek permission from the court to move. As it stands L knows how to contact me, but has chosen not to, but does not know where we are physically. As it stands though I am very happy to stay here, besides my loving it here, because as long as I stay within this court's jurisdiction we are very protected from further legal assaults. If we moved there is the possibility that another court could decide to take mercy on L and reopen issues that have already been decided. Thanks for the question. I will at some point incorporate your question into the blog. Christopher Christopher Filkins [christopher@safersex.org] • 8/2/02; 10:02:23 AM 10:12:37 PM    comment []

I never have actually followed through with the divorce. I know I know. I am reminded in a million ways on a million days that I need to do so. At first I didn't because I was terrified to be in the same room with her. That's silly I know but that's what I was feeling so many years ago. Then as my shock and fear subsided I realized that the money needed to finish the process in court which I started in family court & then continued into child welfare court would be too difficult for us to handle. Over the last year or so as I have become more comfortable financially and the prospect of heading back to court doesn't seem so daunting I have been struck with still another issue playing a role in the when to finish the divorce quandry. Provided that I can even locate L to divorce her I am not at all clear that I want to do so. It seems fairly obvious that by going back to court and declaring her in default I will be somehow someway bringing her back into my life. I would be happy if she never came around again to be sure. So how do I finish this without giving her another open door into my life again. And it has occurred to me recently that such a decision really involves K now because she has a stake in this much more than she did when she was very young. Now she will be the one to bear the brunt of her mother's chaos and destruction if my actions to complete the divorce somehow bring L back to Los Angeles. I have to talk to K about this before I make any moves. How I wish I could just wave my magic wand and then our legal relationship would be completely dissolved in the way every other type of relationship we've had has been. 9:47:29 PM    comment []

Back to my point: you recieved a present from your aunt and uncle for your 8th birthday. In the present they included a note to me. The note caused me a great deal of stress for a couple of reasons. First of all if they wanted to send me something they could very well have done it without getting you involved. Including you in this note strikes me as passive-aggressive and definately not in your best interest. Issues related to your mother and her health are best parsed out in a time and place which is safe for you. Including a note about your mom's potential whereabouts and/or attempts to find us in your birthday present is just plain wrong. Of course I would no doubt not have gotten terribly upset about it if it weren't for the contents of the note. Essentially they said "Hey your mom is looking for you and has come out to LA to find you. Too bad she hasn't been successful. Is there something you'd like to tell her?" The ways in which this is sheer nonsense continue to amaze me. If your mother wanted to find us there are at least four distinct ways in which she knows how to contact us. That she would make up these stories to your aunt and uncle about the sacrifices she has made to find us is just completely appalling. What it shows is that the is still trying to manipulate anyone and everyone who comes in contact with her. I tried to convey this to your aunt and uncle but to no avail. They say she is not being manipulative. As I know from your conversations with Grandma you understand how L's telling stories about coming to LA is a bunch of nonsense. I am proud of you for that. Hopefully someday she will actually try to reenter our lives in some productive and loving manner but it certainly isn't now and under these circumstances. Most of all I am proud of you because you know all of this and you want her back so you can have a mom like everyone else. But you also understand that I will not allow her to abuse you (or us) in the same manner ever again. You're the greatest kid in the world! 9:32:53 PM    comment []