Kurt Hines: The Life of a Bohemian Poet

Moving day!

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 00:27:40 GMT

So tommorrow I am moving all my stuff to a storage locker. Did I mention that I hate moving. But I get to go to England in 5 days. So that makes up for it.

Talk about intense

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 01:28:23 GMT

So I went to Cedar Point last weekend, on friday to be exact. Let me tell you, it was one hell of a time. Where else can you accellerate to 120mph and fly 420 feet in the air in a matter of seconds. When Top Thrill Dragster stopped, everyone on the ride was shaking. It took about 5 minutes before we even realized what had happened, It was one of the most intense times you can have. If you ever have a chance to go to Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio, take it. (this has not been a paid advertisement for cedar point)

Anyone need some software?

Thu, 26 Jun 2003 22:29:21 GMT

So I'm selling A new version of MS Office standard to support my Europe trip. If anyone needs a legal copy, check it out. :-)

And CSI didn't even come on!!!

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 03:14:28 GMT

So I'm watching TNN, waiting for CSI to come on, and wrestling is finishing up. Now I knew wrestling was fake, but this was crazy. People are "hitting" each other, only it is so obviosly not even touching them on some hits, and lightly tapping on others. Then some guy gets "unmasked" As the announcers proclaim on the grotesqueness of his face, Except his face had black paint on it, and that is all. All I can say is wow.

Sky, here I come....

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 22:26:23 GMT

Well kids, I'm off to America's Roller Coast. Thats right, the only place in Ohio that Michigan peeps think is worth going to, Cedar Point. Expensive as hell, bad food, long lines, but the best Roller Coasters on the planet. I mean come on, does this not look cool or what?

On my life, and how long I will spend in college...

Wed, 18 Jun 2003 01:59:21 GMT

So I just found out that in order to have the IT specialization I want, I would have to graduate in Fall 2004. I was planning on graduating in Spring of 04. I don't need this specialization, I can graduate with my marketing degree in the spring, with no problem, in fact, my life would be much simpler. Basically my last two semesters would only have 3 required classes, and one whatever class.

Maybe it would help if I backed up a bit...

I am currently a Senior (going into my forth year) Marketing Major. I came into college with 11 credits, and I've taken classes every semester in college, summer included. This has let me keep my course load down to a minimum each semester, allowing me to work to pay for school, and do extracurricular activities I enjoy.

I also own a small business, a tech solutions company. I do everything from Video Conferencing to networking, to web design, to general tech stuff; right now I'm implementing a paperless office solution for a client. This, and previously a commission sales job is what has paid for school, rent, etc.

Up until recently, I assumed that I'd graduate school, and join the rat race of looking for a job. Lately, I've decided that while I probably will do some interviewing, I'm not going to worry too much about finding a job. If I get a really good offer from a company I'd be excited to work with, then I might join the 9-5 crew. If not, I'll just continue on in my business, expanding it, and trying to make it work full time.

Which brings us to the IT specialization. Originally I was going to add Telecommunications as a major, then I decided to add this when it recently became available. I have a lot of tech experience, and I mean a lot for a 21 year old. I've done tech work that most people don't even understand when I explain it to them, and sometimes when I show them. However, the only piece of paper I have to show for it is an expired CNA (Certified Novell Administrator). It seemed like a good idea to have something degree wise to back up my real world experience. Still does. However, if I don't go in the corporate world, this matters a whole lot less.

I don't think that I am going to stick around for the IT specialization. I can always go back to school for a masters in IT if needs be. As much I love college, I don't want to extend it for what amounts to one class. Ya, the reason you can't graduate till Fall 2004; They can't run a class needed until then because of budget cuts. But that is a while separate rant all together.

Thanks for listening, looks like I figured things out. I love this blog thing.

Summer Smiles

Tue, 17 Jun 2003 02:48:34 GMT

Bird through the air
Gliding on the breeze

Wind through the trees
Rustling leaves

Water through the brook
Ripples in the pond

Butterflys on the wing
Vibrant colors displayed

Kites in the air
Loops all abound

Children in the playground
Screams of delight on the toungue

Summer is here
Smiles everywhere

On Sleep.....

Wed, 11 Jun 2003 01:45:06 GMT

I have what you could call a love hate relationship with sleep. On the one hand, I am a college student, and like all college students, one of my favorite past times is catching some zzzzz’s. On the other hand, it takes me forever to get to sleep, and that is where the hate comes in.

Its not that I’m never tired, in fact when I go to bed I’m usually very tired. It’s that I think too much. From the second my head hits the pillow, my mind starts running full steam. Generally there are three streams of thought, so to speak. I have what ever I am actively thinking of, problems to solve, things to plan, whatever. There is also a song which runs through my head in the background, something I heard that day, or one of my favorite songs. Then there is background stream of thought, which is almost transparent, but still there. This is seemingly entirely random words or phrases, however, when I bring that stream of thought to the front, so to speak, and “listen” to the “random” words and phrases, I can almost instantly link them to something that happened that day. It’s almost as if that third stream is my subconscious beginning to dream, although I’m not quite sure that happens.

It’s that third stream that I find most intriguing. When I think on my dreams, usually they are based off of something that happened, or that I saw or heard that day, or very recently. I can almost always figure out what my dreams are based on. This third stream of thought is the same way. This stream doesn’t start right away, but rather a bit after I’ve laid down, when my mind has had a change to relax somewhat. It almost seems as this is the beginning of the sleep process. As if my mind is already beginning to assimilate everything that happened that day, which, as I understand it, is what dreaming does.

Unfortunately, even though the dreaming process may begin early, I still am exhausted when I wake up. J

A poem from the other side of the pond.

Tue, 10 Jun 2003 23:29:11 GMT

NIGHT POACHERS

Full moon

bold as a cry.

Clean as new ice.

Two men running

noiseless across

frozen fields.

Gin traps in

canvas bags

rattle like teeth.

They fall laughing

in clouds into

the lee of a wall.

A dog barks;

a man calls.

The sounds curl away.

The men sleep

wrapped around

their prey

like lovers.

Dick Jones' Patteran Pages]

How stupid am I, and how to make a good tv show....

Tue, 10 Jun 2003 04:00:40 GMT

So I watched tv today, and rather then lowering my IQ, I actually figured out what it is! According to FOX( to be fair, they did have a mensa guy and a guy who actually writes the test working for them), I have an IQ of 129. I'm not sure how totally valid this is, as their scale only went up to 135 (at least in the 2 seconds they gave you to look at it thats what I saw), but some guy in the audience had a 138, go figure. And now, just in case anyone from FOX or any other network might actually read this (ya right), here is what you DON'T want to do when creating an interactive TV show:

1:When asking the audience at home to Participate in a times manner, TIME IT RIGHT. Before every set of questions, there would be a example question. The web version we used at home would be timed at 30 seconds for example, and you can't speed up, but they would spend 10 seconds on it on the show, and then immediately go to the questions. As a result, I had to mute the tv to not get ahead of myself, AND missed part of the talk after the question set, which I assume they wanted me to watch.

2: When presenting something that is crucially important to the show, such as the grading scale, leave it on the screen longer than 2 seconds. I don't want to just glance at my conversion, I want to see what I could have gotten had I answered one more right, one more wrong, or been 15 years older(You get bonus points for being older!)

3: Actually use the web to its full potential! Once the show is over, you should immedietly be able to access the grading scale and all other fun facts online. Not tommorrow, as the host so elliquently put it. If I took the test online, I should have a page with my score, and comparisions to others, like the show did. Not only will this make me less mad at your network, but it creates buzz. I can post in my weblog a link to my score page. That page will give FOX facetime, as well as the ability to promote other shows. Its a win-win for all.

Thats all I can think of for now. Stay tuned for more! :-)

One Month to go.....

Sun, 08 Jun 2003 23:51:52 GMT

So a friend of mine left for London Friday. He's there now, and loving it. I seriosly cannot wait to go. A month studying at Cambridge, it doesn't get much cooler than that. I still have to figure out what side trips I'm taking. Probelly one to Paris, one to visit a friend in England, and two others are still up for grabs. Any suggestions anyone? I'm thinking Ireland/Scotland. Ahhh, one month to go...

Protect our Free Speech!!!

Thu, 05 Jun 2003 21:06:04 GMT

From the ACLU mailing list:
1) Speak Out: Flag Amendment Passes House - Thank or Spank Your Representative
On Tuesday the House narrowly passed the flag desecration amendment. This amendment would alter the First Amendment for the first time in its history and allow Congress to outlaw the physical desecration of the flag. By voting to protect a national symbol at the expense of the freedoms it represents, the amendment's supporters voted to fundamentally alter our freedom of speech and our ability to protest the policies of the government. It is crucial that you to write your Representative and thank or spank them for their vote on the flag desecration amendment.
Click here to find out how your Representative voted and to send a free fax:
http://www.aclu.org/FreeSpeech/FreeSpeech.cfm?ID=12805&;c=50

Here's what I added to the beginning of my letter:

"It is not the flag that is important, but rather what the flag stands for that is important. By taking away a citizens right to burn a flag, you are taking away the very freedoms that the flag stands for."

If this becomes law, you will see me on campus, burning a flag in protest...

Start of a poem, anyone else can finish it, in comments....

Wed, 04 Jun 2003 03:21:51 GMT

Love is a feather

Floating in the wind

Drifting down

Where no one knows

Cannot be predicted

Cannot be foretold

Love stops where it will

Despite you or me

Claiming my blog at BlogShare

Wed, 04 Jun 2003 03:02:29 GMT

I'm impressed...

Thu, 29 May 2003 22:05:24 GMT

Internet friendly presidential candidates. David Weinberger, who knows the Internet pretty well (that's a vast understatement), has some thoughts that are worth considering. He apparently likes Howard Dean. [Ernie the Attorney]

I haven't really done that much hard looking at the presidential candidates yet. Mostly because there is so many of them and I don't have that much free time. I just read Dave's piece, and checked out the Dean website. All I can say is wow. I am thoughly impressed at how the campaign seems to understand the power of the internet. From updates on your cell phone to the awesome use of meetup.com to the weblog (with an XML feed!), I've never seen a candidate "get it" more.

So I signed up for the next meetup. I'm not sure if this is the guy I'm going to vote for, but he sure has a lead.

Ohh, and I do also agree with most of his stances. (I am not a democrat, I consider myself a liberal independant) I fully believe that Bush must be removed from office, and it looks like this guy may have what it takes to do it.

And they say there's nothing to do in Detroit.....

Thu, 29 May 2003 03:26:36 GMT

Its been a while since I've posted. There hasn't been much free time lately. I went home over memorial day weekend. I also went to the Detroit Institute of Arts (Detroit's art museum) Now normally you can literally spend the entire day walking around, and not even see everything, however, that day, half the museum was closed. It really bummed me out not so much for myself, but for my little brother who was with me, and my friend. He had never been there before. I think he liked it though. There was a huge exhibit on The Late Renaissance in florence, specifically Michelangelo and hte Medici family. That was well worth the ticket price. If you're in the Detroit area, I highly recomend it.

After the museam we heading over to the Detroit Science Center. I don't know what other science centers are like, but this one makes you feel like a kid again. From the IMAX to the dancing water lights, a good time was had by all. Hey, and we might have even learned something. :-)

Ciao!

Good work, Great Read....

Tue, 20 May 2003 05:23:40 GMT

A Casino Odyssey in Cyberspace. A short story drawing on some of my own experiences, but set in the universe of Prime Intellect. [kuro5hin.org]

If you are a science fiction fan, I recomend reading all of localrogers stories. He's a great writer, with interesting work. Read his Prime Intellect story before you read this one.

Not sure how much stock I put in this, but I always did love Dante's Inferno...

Wed, 07 May 2003 02:26:35 GMT

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Thanks to Catnmus for the test...

I'mm backkkk.....

Tue, 06 May 2003 22:28:40 GMT

Well, I'm all moved in, and the internet is (finally) working. You never realize how dependant you are on something 'till its gone. There was so many times in the day I was about to sit at the computer and look something up, or check my mail, and then boom, I realize no internet. Expect more posts soon....

Anyone want to help me move?

Sat, 03 May 2003 16:41:24 GMT

You probelly won't see any posts from me for a couple days. I'm in the process of moving, one task I hate above all. See you Sunday. Ciao!

So true, so true....

Fri, 02 May 2003 18:53:26 GMT

Hesketh Pearson. "Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely." [Quotes of the Day]

I cried tonight.....

Tue, 29 Apr 2003 01:32:22 GMT

I don’t cry very often. In fact, most of the times I have shed tears I was remembering one thing. My father. My parents broke up when I was young. I saw him every other weekend for a while, and then things changed. Relationships between my parents strained, I saw him less often. He would disappear on and off. Then he disappeared for a full year. When he came back, he didn’t come to the door to greet us with open arms. He came to the hospital bed. A bed in a hospital where my mom worked, as a nurse. She came home with the news one night, and the next day I saw him, although he didn’t see me. He was in a coma; his body was shutting down, organ by organ. He looked so frail on what was to be his deathbed, and yet he looked so much like the father I knew. I stood there, not know what to say, or do, so I just talked, and prayed, and held his hand. The next day he passed away. All through this I never cried. Not at the hospital, not at the funeral. I stood by my mom, attempting to be strong for her, wondering why I wasn’t crying, just as I wondered standing beside his hospital bed, as his body turned off. He was 36.

My dad was an alcoholic. He had a problem that he couldn’t control. It took me a long time to understand that. I didn’t see, how, if alcohol was hurting him so much, why he couldn’t just stop. Why couldn’t he just put down the bottle? Why wasn’t he strong enough? Why didn’t he care enough about us to give up a stupid drink? Only a stupid, little drink. I eventually came to realize that alcohol wasn’t just a stupid little drink for him. It was part of his life. I’m sure it started out as nothing, not a problem. Then it just gradually gets worse.

I’ve read a lot about alcoholism. I’ve read books, papers, research. I’ve tried to understand it, tried to understand why my father had to die. I came to understand that it is a disease. It is a disease that you can be pre-disposed to, or one that can develop on its own. It is a disease that takes control of your entire body, your life, your mind. Eventually the disease takes on a life of its own, and it is no longer within your control. Then the disease takes your life, and extinguishes its own. That’s not to say that you can’t control it, just that its not as easy as a 13 year old kid thought it should be.

I did eventually cry. I was listening to the radio and a song came on. Harry Chaplins, “Cat in the Cradle.”

My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking 'fore I knew it and as he grew

He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad

You know I'm gonna be like you"

---------------------

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

"When you coming home son" "I don't know when

But we'll get together then dad

You know we'll have a good time then"

Selected Lyrics From Cats in the Cradle, by Harry Chaplin

That song awoke something in me. That song was my relationship with my father. It described it so well. I started crying, and didn’t stop. All the emotion, the pain, the loss that I had been bottling up broke loose, and came pouring out in a torrent of tears. To this day I can’t hear that song with out a tear coming to my eye.

I cried tonight. I was watching Boston Public, and a storyline occurred that was so familiar, for it was my own. Aisha’s father was on his deathbed from alcoholism, a father she hadn’t known in years. He was in a coma, and though she tried, he wouldn’t, couldn’t wake up. She sang a song at his funeral, about loss, and regrets. And I cried, and I cried.

The Stranger, Part Deux.....

Mon, 28 Apr 2003 03:14:07 GMT

I think it is very rare that one person has the exact same face in every situation. I think most everyone has multiple faces for different situations; that are, to a large extent, composed of various features of their public and private faces. You unconsciously put on whatever face is right for the situation. While when I am with a very close friend I can have my private face on, and be totally comfortable, I could never do that in a different situation, just as I wouldn't have on my public face in a situation with a very close friend.

I believe that we have very little control over this though. Our subconscious mind controls the changing of faces, so to speak, and while we can at points exert conscious control, mostly it is automatic.

Your faces are ever changing. As you grow as a person, as situations change, as you get to know people better, or less, the face that you put on adapts. Perhaps the best example would be to think of yourself in Jr. High, and yourself now. I think most people really came into themselves in high school, and if you were to look at who you were in Jr. high, with your public face at least, you probably wouldn't recognize yourself. It doesn't happen to that extreme in everyday life, but there is always ever small changes. The confidence part of my public face didn't appear until the latter half of high school.

The only people I can think of that do not have multiple faces are little children. They act the same everywhere, say anything anywhere, and basically act with absolute innocence. As they grow up, they are taught that that is wrong, don’t say this, don’t do that, be good in public, do it this way. They are taught that they have to act different in different situations.

This is how our society is structured. Thus, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having different faces. Can you imagine being the same person with your Significant Other as with your boss? There are societies where it is less this way, tribal cultures and such. However even they have faces, just to a lesser degree. I can imagine a culture in which faces don’t exist; however I can’t see it happening on a societal level, at least for a very long time.

Here are some of the comments from the Stranger post....

Mon, 28 Apr 2003 02:47:46 GMT

Yet you look at somebody like Chongyam Trungpa, for instance, and there is no difference - public and private are the same because he's always simply himself - adjective quite intended. Just as self-esteem is a reflection of the discrepancy between our ideal and perceived selves, I suspect that the fewer roles we have to deal with the more genuine our personas, no? - R.
The Raven • 4/27/03; 5:13:46 AM

I'm sorry BUT. I can not be the same person to my daughters as I am to my wife. We all have different rolls to play. Deception and facade are NOT illegitimate activities. I would not doubt that it can be shown that there are advantageous Darwinian purposes for both. To tout a persona of monolithic consistance (which can in itself be a facade) as superior is a bit much.

Self-esteem should be a function of existence, requiring nothing more then that. The notion that a person has to meet some level of achievement or some goal or meet some aggrandized individual's expectation before a person has the right to "SELF-ESTEEM" is wrong. "judge not others, lest ye be judged".

silly me (idiot slut) • 4/27/03; 4:17:35 PM

The Stranger

Sun, 27 Apr 2003 06:07:25 GMT

I just finished watching Adaptation. It’s one of those movies I’ve been planning on watching for quite some time, but never seemed to get around to. It was good. It made me think. It shows people with different faces. Not physical faces, but emotion faces. The facades we show to the world.

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on

-------------------------------

Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger

Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?

Selected Lyric’s from Billy Joel’s The Stranger

We all have different faces. The outside world sees one face, your public face. It may be more reserved or less reserved. I have a public face. I exude an air of confidence, of always knowing what I am doing. While I am not reserved, I am not the most outgoing. I’m the kind of guy that can’t walk up to a girl I don’t know in a bar and ask her to dance, although I love to dance. Some of that is contradictory I know, but it is who I am, in public.

Then most people have a private face. Very few people see your private face, only those you trust most, and are most at ease with. My private face is one of less confidence, more emotion, and more vulnerability. Yet it is also one of being at ease, being playful, and letting go.

Sometimes different situations bring out different aspects of each face. I can be at a party, with all people I know, and my public face falls a bit, and a little of the private face shows. Whereas I would normally never even consider it, I’ll give a girl a lap dance, for the fun of it. Part of this may be because everyone seems to let go a little, and it’s easier. Part of it is my private face wanting to come out and play.

By writing this, I’m to some degree taking off my public face, because of the apparent anonymity. Even though I know people who will read this, it’s okay. And I don’t know why. Just another mystery of the faces.