Reliving nightmares of summer retail trauma:
July 30, 2002
I had a rather terrifying experience at REI the other day.
My boyfriend (whom I like to refer to as “The Beej”) and I haven’t seen much of each other lately due to conflicting schedules, and since I bought a backpack last year I haven’t has a chance to use, I figured we’d hit the trails this weekend.
I haven’t been backpacking in a while, so I tripped off to REI to pick up a few sundries.
I was innocently browsing the aisles when a floor staff guy came up to me and asked me if I needed any help.
“Only one thing”, I said, stupidly, “Where are the snakebite kits?”
I might as well as have said, “Where are the baby seal clubbing kits?”
He looked me in the eye and asked in a loud disgusted voice why I would ever need a snakebite kit. I responded that I always carry a snakebite kit. He told me that snakebite kits actually made snakebites worse. I said, “So you don’t recommend I buy one” This seemed to make him angry for some reason. He then proceeded to berate me about all the reasons why snakebite kits are the source of all that is unholy. I just nodded and hoped that he’d stop so I could get away from him. He finished by saying, in a snotty tone, “Don’t get a snakebite kit. Learn how to treat a snakebite.”
Then, I went over to look at water purifiers. The same guy came up to me and asked if I had decided on one yet. Still peeved, I snapped “Just looking, thanks!”
When I got home, I looked up snakebites in my Army Survival manual. It says, and I quote, “Draw the venom out of the wound with a suction device”. You know, sort of like the kind that comes with a snakebite kit.
I’m not saying this is current advice, but I don’t think I was out of line in asking where they keep the snakebite kits in a sporting goods store.
10:24:48 AM 
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