Busy Tuesday. Here's an old topic - Discuss:
Re: Breakup letters
I only have one rule about breakup letters: never write one.
First of all, no matter how eloquent you try to sound, it’s going to come out like gibberish. If you’re going to be the break-er, pretty much everything after “I think we should see other people” is going to be wasted. If you are the wronged party, all the vituperation in the world contained in a scathing philippic isn’t going to hurt your other, no matter what your pretentious writer friends may have told you (unless, perhaps, it’s an open letter printed as a full-page ad in the Wall Street Journal).
Second, if you’re breaking up with someone you like, a letter means you didn’t care enough to break up in person, and that’s harsh. Always break up in person; unless your boyfriend happens to be in New Zealand, then you can call. If you’re breaking up with someone who was a jerk to you, writing a letter shows you care way too much. The best thing to do in that situation is to simply vanish with no explanation. When he or she calls, act like you’re trying to avoid a telemarketer: “Umm, hi. Yeah, I’ve been busy. No, no I won’t be able to call you…I’ll be in (Paris, New York, Tahoe) for the weekend. Okay, I’ll call you when I get back.” (of course, you won’t call). If he or she is a narcissist, nothing will hurt more than thinking he or she didn’t matter to you at all. If he or she is just a cold bastard who never cared about you in the first place, any dramatic statement on your part will just make you look like a fool.
And finally, the biggest reason of all not to write one: all his or her friends are going to read it. This will either be a “What do you think he/she meant by this?” sort of thing, or a drunken “Dude, you gotta read this!” thing. Either way, it’s going to be more humiliating for you in the long run.
If you absolutely must write a breakup letter, write it in one burst of emotion, let all your friends read it and sympathize, then burn it. Don’t leave any copies lying around on your computer, either. And for the love of Pete, do not under any circumstances make the first line, “Where the hell do I begin?” That is the most hackneyed breakup letter line ever.
9:17:22 AM 
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