Thursday, August 15, 2002

Some simple golf tips from a man who really should be wearing clown shoes on the course: 1) If you have the option to chip back out on to the fairway and give yourself a clear shot to the green, do so. Don't hope you can clear that line of trees 20 yards in front of you -- you know, the ones just in front of the creek that guards the green. Klunk, splash. 2) If you are in the deep rough on a links-style course and you have an option to (a) chip out sideways into the fairway or (b) go for the green over a series of giant lumpy mounds covered in heather opt for (a). Nooooooooo! 3) If you hit a ball out of the deep rough on a links-style course and it lands plunk in the next clump of rough on the side of a giant lumpy mound covered in heather, do not hesitate to chip it sideways. Nooooooo! Not agaaaain! 4) If you par a particularly difficult dogleg right dotted with sandtraps don't think you've finally learned to play. On the next hole, a par three you, will hit your first ball out of bounds. Gosh darn it to heck!!!! 5) If you are on a par five and you are 20 yards short of the green after your second shot and you have a choice between (a) the wedge you always hit badly and (b) the one you always hit well, don't go for (a) even though you know you can't possibly miss and the water shouldn't come into play because you'd really have to pull the ball left and underhit it at the same time. Splash! ( followed by a muffled scream). 4:32:35 PM    comment []

Click, click, uh, oh: A month ago my wife asked me to pay down her credit card bill by $417.97. I fired up the browser and, in a quick four clicks, did just as she asked. I transferred the money from her savings account. Today, her credit card bill arrived. No such payment had been made. Oh, well, I said, I must have paid it online into my own credit card (yes, we have separate accounts because, well, we're terribly, terribly independent), but no, I hadn't done any such thing. This I found out after two lengthy phone calls. Oh, I did try to get the information online, but the credit card site is, as usual, out of commission. So where had I paid it? Well, to our municipal tax account, I discovered after making my way through a massive list of online payments from the five separate accounts we maintain because we just need to confuse ourselves endlessly. How had this happened? Because the municipality is the payee above my wife's credit card on my online banking list. And why hadn't the municipality, to which we owe absolutely nothing, not asked me why I was doing such a dumb thing, just after paying our yearly tax bill only weeks before? "Well," the nice woman in the finance department said sweetly, "we just thought we'd transfer it to your next year's taxes." I let out a series of sqwaks and they're sending the $417.97 back to me, but, as the woman said, "it could take several weeks." For years I've been bragging that I pay all my bills online with out a hitch. Okay, make that just a single hitch. 4:09:26 PM    comment []