I'm home in Denver for a week of (mostly) writing. But the most comforting thing about coming home so far was catching up with The Forsyte Saga on Masterpiece Theatre. It was about an eight-hour series that I watched a year or two ago, but I missed an episode in the middle, Tivo'd it when PBS reran it at the start of January, and just this afternoon got to watch it.

Uncle Jolyon. I hated that old fart at the start of the series, but by the end of the first run, he was the one that really moved me. And this episode . . .

Something odd is happening, actually. I'm finally learning to empathize with old people. They have seemed so distant all my life, but maybe it was just my fear of them, fear of becoming them one day. Have I finally gotten close enough--maybe 35 years from this character at the end of his run--or have the sorrows just gotten so similar that I can't ignore them any longer? Such a lonely old guy, but so candid about it at the very end. When he finally tastes it again, and tells Irenee he doesn't feel satisfied at all, just more eager to drink in all the more.

Or maybe it's the combination of Jolyon and Irene. Hurt so badly in such different ways. And such an unlikely pairing, yet they allow themselves to bring joy inside each other's lives.

This show just tears me apart. Or am I just apart, and needing something to ignite it? It feels good being home. Feels like I've been racing around and finally have a moment to collect myself. To feel. I sometimes struggle to feel pain when it actually happens to me. Pleasure comes easy, but pain I find ways to protect myself. Fictional characters find a way of ripping it out of me. Is that why I like writing fiction?

Some Boston-Rob lover in the comments thread got me on a rant on the goofball just now. The guy, Joe, mapped out Rob's "so totally obvious" route to the finals--along with Amber, who will obviously beat him there--based on this opening idea: "Because in case you haven't realized everyone is friggin scared of Rob. Noone has the guts to go against him."

Hmmmmm. My reaction:

As for all afraid of Rob, to a point, yes. And have you ever noticed what happens to people they're afraid of? Gone! Just think Rupert last season, for the latest example, but there is a trail so long . . .

And in Rob's case, I would say less afraid, than wary. These people know what they're doing this time and are all full of themselves and are not quivering over anyone. But they do see him as exercising some control, taking the lead--the place everyone else is smart enough to avoid!--and they're giving him plenty of rope. I really think they all think he's the stupid patsy. Everyone learned you can almost never win Survivor by being the aggressive alpha male, so they all stepped back wondering who would be dumb enough to come forward, and there was the jackass from Boston, charging to the head of the tribe. Imbecile.

I don't know if he'll go this week or next week or the week after, but he'll go.

***

Now we've had the same comment thread for ages, so let's start a new one here.

My Survivor All Stars page.

Comments: Head here all week for comments -- SPOILER ALERT! SOMEONE named Big Ben has written an apparent spoiler about this week's show (April 15th) in the comment thread. He's comment #17, a one-liner in white. I've added a comment after him requesting no spoilers and no more discussion of this till the show airs. So you can skip on past it if you like.