And even my straight friends do. (Shew!)
But man. I thought I was done feeling fresh pain until the movie finally got here. Then came the theme songs. (I guess that's what they are. Apparently both play out in full over the closing credits.)
Gay.com got permission to post both to the web today. Not just snippets, the whole songs. (Thanks to them, and to Mark for the heads-up. Thanks for all the great comments on Brokeback from you guys, especially the steady supply of fresh links.)
First, there's Willie Nelson singing Bob Dylan's "He was a friend of mine." Listen here. Lyrics here. Good song, touching, seems appropriate. Didn't really move me that much.
Then there's Rufus Wainwright. Wow. You could say he's an acquired taste, so don't expect it to sound ordinary. And he's a bit of a mumbler, so the lyric sheet will help. Once you get used to his style, this song may haunt you for ages. (Listen.)
Made me cry. Half the afternoon.
Not just the song, of course. I'm sure it was powerful in its own right, but when that powerful connection of story and song comes together, watch out. I was crying for Jake. And especially for Ennis, that freaking little goofball (spoiler alert, one phrase only), too chicken to make his own life happen. And of course, for me.
No, I didn't have their problems with love. Got my own. Yeah, I bet you do too. But I've got my own. God, why couldn't you have made a few more gayboys?
That's my latest lament. My shrink told me 15 years ago I was a strange kinda guy and there was a woman out there for me, but I was prolly going to be searching ten times as long as the average guy, because it was going to be someone really unusual that would satisfy me, and vice versa. He said he had never told any of his patients that before; just wanted me to know what I was up against.
That was before I accepted the obvious, and crossed 95 percent of the population off my list. God. Like the odds weren't daunting enough already. Especially in a small city.
Oh lord won't you make me more gayboys, we're lonesome in ev-ery way . . .
Hahaha. I was hearing that to the tune of Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys in my head. I know it's stupid, but it's sure what I'm feeling. Never claimed I could write song lyrics.
Hennyway, Rufus' song is "The Maker Makes." Wrote it and sang it. Apparently the Brokeback Mountain theme song. And he really captures my heart on its more troubled mornings.
Ready for the lyrics? Read 'em and weep. But listen along first:
One more chain I break, to get me closer to you
One more chain does the maker make, to keep me from bustin' through
One more notch I scratch, to keep me thinkin' of you
One more notch does the maker make, upon my face so blue
Get along little doggies, get along little doggies
One more smile I fake, 'n try my best to be glad
One more smile does the maker make, because he knows I'm sad
Oh Lord, how I know,
Oh Lord, how I see, that only can the maker make a happy man of me
Get along little doggies, get along little doggies, get along
Man. Don't think you need to be a gayboy to feel that pain.
Stirs the same place inside me as Old Man River. That's surprising. Nothing's ever done that before. That song stood apart for me.
And I didn't need to be a black man or a slave to feel it.
I don't think you'll need to be a gayboy for this story or this movie to rip your heart out. But I think it rips an extra place or two if you are.
Update:
I suddenly thought Jack Twist / Annie Proulx might have a comment to add there: You have no idea how bad it gets.
