JUNE 4, 2009 5:08PM

Gay activists have learned a few things over the years. A big one, which took awhile, seems obvious in retrospect: when someone helps us, thank them!

We do quite a bit demanding, cajoling, and what sounds to some like complaining. We have to. As long as we're treated second-class, we can't keep our mouths shut. 

So it's important to balance that with some attaboys whenever people deserve them.

And God do the governor and legislators in New Hampshire deserve them right now.

(Yesterday, they became the sixth state in the country to equalize marriage for everyone, including gays.)

So take a moment, if you can. HRC has made it very easy. Just click and you'll go to a single screen where you can add your info, click OK and be in and out in well under 30 seconds. (They have a pre-written msg which you can keep, edit or replace entirely. It will take a little longer if you compose your own.)

Here's what I wrote. You're free to crib from it if you like:

Subject:  Thanks for making me legal

I am so grateful, and so proud of you for making me equal under the law. It's humiliating to be treated second class, and I thank God for creating fair and wise people like you who can see that.

I hope to get married some day, and I'm gay, so marrying a woman would be a sham, and would just destroy her life as well as mine. It's not a viable option. But I do want to get married, to another man, and by the time I'm ready, I hope to be able to do so anywhere I choose in our great country.

You have created another free state in New Hampshire. You have helped gather momentum toward a free country.

History will look kindly on you. I look kindly on you right now.

MAY 26, 2009 1:29PM

So it's official. SF Chronicle headline:

Calif upholds gay marriage ban.

Damn. Expected, but still sad, still frustrating, still infuriating.

At least they left the 18,000 marriages intact.

So it's going to be up to you California voters again, to right the horrible wrong you collectively did last fall.

And it will be up to gay leaders to do a much better job, particularly working inside minority communities. Hopefully they can get it on the ballot in 2010. That actually seems like a long wait, but it's a long struggle.We've waited a long time already.

California voters need to get with the program--and join the 21st century--and allow equal rights for everyone. It's not really that hard.