I thought the decision was still several weeks away. But HRC sent an email out today including this passage:
The Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts is expected to issue any day now its ruling in Goodridge et al vs. Department of Public Health, which
challenges the state's denial of marriage licenses to 7 same-sex couples. The decision could result in same-sex couples being able to marry in Massachusetts.
This scares the crap out of me. I have rarely been more conflicted. When Hawaii's supreme court legalized gay marriage several years back, I secretly hoped the drive to pass a (state) constitutional amendment to stop us would succeed. (The court wisely held back its decision from taking effect until that was decided, so the state wouldn't face the prospect of unmarrying people.)
Late in the battle, I finally came clean in a heated little exchange with Tim Gill, the local gay multimillionaire who set up The Gill Foundation, which was pouring a great deal of money into advertising for "our" side. He was eager to charge ahead, but in emotional matters like this, I think policy has to follow public opinion, not drive it. We can get a bit ahead of the public on issues like health benefits and so forth, 
because most people aren't going to shit their pants over gays getting that. But marriage--we have to tread ever so lightly.
I think the best thing that ever happened to us was the early Hawaii scare. The public had to come face to face with the prospect of imminent gay marriage. Suddenly, the court ruled, and it looked like reality. If the voters of that little state hadn't changed their constitution, every state in the country would have had to recognize any couple with enough money or frequent flier miles to get there. We needed this image burned into their psyche, then we needed to back off for five or ten years. Let them get used to the idea.
I don't think they're used to it yet.
Some of them will never get used to it, but most eventually will. But not till some TV executives grow a spine. Nothing impacts attitudes in our culture like television, and TV execs have been scared to death of it. One lesbian wedding on Friends nearly ten years ago? (And lesbians, that's the part straightguys can deal with.) A kiss here, a kiss there, still a rarity. Gays are allowed to exist on TV now, but sex is very limited, and love that's much worse, marriage, almost unheard of.
Thank God for reality TV.
I think the biggest milestone yet in the long struggle for gay marriage took place five weeks ago on a CBS summer replacement series that barely got the greenlight for this season. And it seemed to go almost undetected in the media. Four days before The Amazing Race began airing its fourth contest, CBS promoted it heavily on 60 Minutes, one of its most popular shows. Each commercial break, a different promo ran, focusing on three of three of the twelve teams in the race. The promo would end with a voice-over that went something like, "Who will win the million dollars? Will it be the models, the circus clowns, the air traffic controllers?" (Yes, those really are actual teams this year. And each team is composed of two people.) A quick video of the pair would flash on the screen as each team was mentioned. I think it was the final promo of the night that went very close to this: "Who will win the million dollars? Will it be the engaged couple, the dating couple, the married couple?" The married clip showed two men. Like it was totally normal. I froze the Tivo and backed it up. Over and over and over again. There was no attempt to explain it, to justify it, to diminish it. They had two married guys competing on the show, what about it?
On the first episode, each pair is briefly introduced from home, and Reichen and Chip explained that they decided to recognize their bond in
the standard way. (Bio here.) They had a wedding. They wear rings. They're married. So the show didn't wimp out and call them "partners," like every other pussy-assed show in television history. Partners. I hate that. They're not in business together, they're married to each other.
The fun part about this show is that because the introduction of 24 characters at the start of the first episode is extremely confusing, the producers identify them with subtitles constantly throughout the first few episodes. "NFL Wives," "Dating 12 years / Virgins," "Married." While Reichen and Chip were extremely circumspect about flaunting or even mentioning their situation, the producers screamed it out a good fifteen to twenty times over the course of the episode. This is standard practice; they do it with every team at the start of every race. But it was just so wonderful to watch it being flashed up there to America over and over. They're gayguys. They're in love. They're in a wholesome, caring relationship. They got married. Get used to it.
Luckily--for once, thank God!--the producers choose not to hammer home an annoying stereotype. Both guys are young, fit, athletic and SAA--Straight Acting and Appearing. Put all twelve teams in a lineup--or send them down a runway--and nine out of ten gayguys would have picked straight buddies David and Jeff (pictured to your right) as the gay couple. Reichen is 
even a pilot, a former Air Force officer and a proud graduate of the Air Force Academy. (Where he figured out he was gay while a junior, kept up the straight front through several years of active duty.) He's a total straightboy stud. The kind of guy straightboys look up to. Except the part about marrying a man.
Of course the audience reacted a bit brusquely initially. Thanks to elaborate web sites now required for every reality series, we can track exactly how the audience is responding to them week to week. (At least we can track the obsessives digging into every last page of the show's website.) The show encourages viewers to vote in a popularity poll, and graphs the results out for each team week to week. In spite of their 
looks, which count for a great deal in these polls--particularly when paired with an agreeable personality, and these guys couldn't be more charming--our little homo couple came in 8th of 12 teams after the first episode. Five weeks later, they've worked their way all the way up to second.
Nobody reacts to gay husbands without a gasp the first time. Almost nobody. But get to know them just a little bit, and the idea becomes acceptable in no time. Why wouldn't they get married? Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you love somebody and want to spend your life with them?
Reichen & Chip are not going to legalize gay marriage in America. They're not single-handedly going to make it acceptable. But they're a start. A really nice start. A
hundred Reichen & Chips interacting naturally as husband and husband on national TV over the next ten years and we'll be well on our way.
Odd how TV works in America today. Freaks are a lot less threatening on TV. I never had a friend outright reject me when I came out, but some of my buddies did feel a bit uncomfortable for awhile. What if I hit on them or something? What if I started making cracks out their sexuality. Nobody is going to diss you or hit on you from the other side of the TV screen. It's nice to watch. Nice to laugh at them for awhile. Find yourself pulling for them when they land in trouble, worrying after them, gradually realizing how much you care about them.
(Of course big, tough, studly sports heroes coming out and marrying each other might jump-start the process even faster, especially as we watch the whole thing play out on TV, but that's a whole nother story.)
Thousands of men are married to each other in America already. And we're dwarfed by the number of lesbian couples. (Oldest gay joke ever: What does a lesbian bring to the second date? A U-haul.)
So far, television has been terrified of admitting it. And so are most of the happy couples, actually, who tend to run off and do it very quietly, and then downplay the ongoing relationship among their friends. Most of them even call themselves partners. But they're not. They're married. And one day television will admit it and then they will too. And one day, we'll look back and laugh at how it took forever for all those spineless TV execs to summon up the courage to just start presenting actual reality. They never did find the courage to write a gay marriage into to their shows until one little reality show just recruited a pair to play themselves. And the sky didn't drop one inch and then all the other execs found the courage to pretend they were courageous. And then we'll all realize that the court battles are in one sense rather silly, because you can deny a couple the license, but there's no way to deny them the marriage. A marriage by any other name would smell as sweet.
All my posts on Chip & Reichen:
Prior posts on Chip & Reichen here
-- with a few other Reality TV posts mixed in.
Gayboy Alert:
The Reichen pix are from Instinct, which features several more shots, with a bit less clothing. There's also a surprisingly interesting interview, which straight people should enjoy as well.
Race Programming Notes:
I was completely oblivious to this when I wrote this piece, but the Race is on tonight if you're interested. Thursdays on CBS, same time as Friends and whatever horrible sitcom they're running after it now. (And you can catch up on previous Race episodes here.)
Dutton (Penguin) in 2007. 
