heeheehee.

You know the best invention the post office ever came up with was the pre-licked stamps. So how come they refuse to call them that?

Try it. Walk up to the counter and ask for some of the pre-licked and they'll respond that they have a wide selection of self-adhesive stamps. Say it over and over, as if you were not hearing their translation and they will respond over and over, as if they were not hearing yours.

There must have all been shuttled off to some education seminar somewhere, where they were forbidden to ever utter those words.

But I like them.

Hey. You might have noticed I'm rarely here during the week these days.

Yes, by design. Trying to keep my focus entirely on my book during the week. Hence the big one-day bursts on Saturdays and Sundays. So look for me then. (Or on Mondays when you get back to trolling the web at the office, while your boss is away. heeheehee.)

OK, better try that bigger:

LOOK FOR ME MOSTLY ON THE WEEKENDS UNTIL THIS BOOK IS DONE!

Occasionally I may stop by in an evening, if I've had a great day and deserve an indulgence, or maybe once in awhile for a quickie. (Like just now. I figured since I was here to let you know this, I could pound out a quick reaction to the Housewives.)

But hopefully you'll see a lot of self-control.

See you Saturday.

Yes, this is going to happen, soon, and the story alternately made me want to cry and wretch.

The nausea was involuntary. I think it's great that they're doing it, but couldn't control my abdominal reaction at certain points.

A very long and very well-written story for AP.

Interesting interview with UK Maxim Editor Greg Gutfield in The Black Table.

Not for the faint of heart. Loved this passage from a response about celebrities. (And here I thought there was nothing interesting left to say about that subject):

There are many pleasant, down to earth stars, but in general, it's good to steer clear. There was a study that just came out on the top 10 desires of children. Number one: to be famous. Others on the list: to get free stuff like ice cream and presents, pets that would live forever, no war. This is exactly the same list you'd get from a Hollywood celebrity.

Stars are exactly like children, in that they play all day and never buy stuff like light bulbs. And that makes them susceptible to destructive stuff like new age religions and Michael Moore movies. It's why stars give their kids such funny names. Those are EXACTLY the names you'd give your kid, if you were, say, a kid! Naming a kid, to them, is like naming a turtle. A box turtle.

Terry Schiavo may have transfixxed the country for a week, but the whole now bears down on a tiny pond in Hamburg.

What the hell is behind those exploding toads?

And the first reports seemed quizzical, I had no idea it was this gruesome:

Local environmental workers in Hamburg have described it as a scene out of a horror or science fiction movie, with the bloated frogs agonizing and twitching for several minutes, inflating like a balloon before suddenly bursting.

"It's horrible," biologist Heidi Mayerhoefer was quoted as telling the Hamburger Morgenpost daily.

"The toads burst, the entrails slide out. But the animal isn't immediately dead -- they keep struggling for several minutes."

Normally, I'm not so big on horror movies, real or imagined. But this. I just can't turn away.

Apparently, the trouble has crossed the border to Jutland, Denmark. And continues in Hamburg. And it gets more revolting:

Some vet in Hamburg seems sure it's crows pecking out their livers. Listen to this:

"The crows are clever," said Frank Mutschmann, a Berlin veterinarian who collected and tested specimens at the Hamburg pond. "They learn quickly from watching other crows how to get the livers."

Based on the wounds, Mutschmann said, it appears that a bird pecks into the toad with its beak between the amphibian's chest and abdominal cavity, and the toad puffs itself up as a natural defense mechanism.

But, because the liver is missing and there's a hole in the toad's body, the blood vessels and lungs burst and the other organs ooze out, he said.

AP led with the theory, but wouldn't this activity be highly visible? Aren't there a lot of people watching right now? If they're seeing all the poor suckers grappling in their death throws, wouldn't someone have noticed a thousand crows descending to mount a toad? (Or one incredibly greedy crow with an insatiable hunger for liver darting madly about the pond?)

Over at the Hamburg Institute for Hygiene and the Environment they're rolling their eyes at the bird theory:

We haven't seen that. It might be, it might not be," said institute spokeswoman Janne Kloepper. "It's speculation," until it's observed, she said.

Local authorities are trying to talk people away from a peek at "the death pool." Yeah. I'm sure they're having a lot of success with that. Geraldo is probably boarding a jet even as we speak.