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Mark is suddenly very quiet as we walk to the bathroom. I look at his face every few seconds and I only see a frown. I know what he's thinking: Why is he taking me to see someone that is working in the bathroom?
Answering the unasked question, I say, Ted used to be a manager here.
A manager? Mark says, alarmed.
Our manager. Well, technically my manager, not Eddie's. But he used to have Eddie's job.
Oh? Mark says, thinks about it for a moment and then adds, And when was he... err... demoted?
Today, I say.
I see, Mark says.
Clearly, he doesn't. Part of me feels sorry for him, another part feels sorry because the first part feels sorry, and another part is happy, telling me, Well, at least he has stopped talking about how great everything is.
We get to the bathroom and I open the door, and its swing is stopped half-way with a low thud, followed by a curse.
Mark and I walk carefully through the interstice between the door and the frame. Behind it is Ted, on all fours on the floor, a scrubbing pad in one hand, the other nursing the side of his body where I hit him with the door as I opened it.
You must be new at this, I say.
Ted looks up, neck straining like a turtle coming out of its shell to watch the sky and says, Oh, hi.
I am overtaken by a need for pointing out the obvious.
Hey, I say, You shouldn't be so close to the door. Haven't you ever cleaned a floor?
I have a maid, Ted says.
Really? I say, and I chuckle.
Through this, I can see Mark's face turn from worry to sheer horror. This is a manager? What is wrong with this place?
Not much, at least not now, I'd say, if he'd actually ask the question. Eddie might be nuts, but putting Ted to clean the bathroom was probably the smartest thing he's done all day.
This is Mark, I say, He's new.
Hi, Ted says, his head still straining, and he raises his hand. Mark is speechless, his hand doesn't move.
Ted suddenly realizing the position he's in, says, Oh, sorry, and gets up painfully. When he's done I can see his usually pristine white shirt covered with dirt.
He extends his hand again. Mark reluctantly shakes it, then cleans it surreptitiously against one leg.
I say, So, now that the introductions are done, can you show him the ropes? I'll be back in a while, I need to take care of something.
Mark is now almost in a panic. Show him the ropes? He must be thinking. Cleaning the bathroom?
Ted says, Sure!
I say, You know, show him around, introduce him to the team.
When I finish saying that Mark sighs loudly, relieved. No bathroom cleaning. Not yet, at any rate.
Sure! Great! Ted says, unnaturally cheerful.
Okay, I say. As I leave, they are both in silence, looking down at the floor. As I close the door, I hear Ted begin to talk, back to his old self for a moment. The Important Manager, Showing The Newbie Around.
Have they told you about our health plan? He says, then adds:
We have a great health plan.
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