DWM, 52 (but I look a lot younger. Really!) in search of soulmate/love goddess/financial analyst who likes to cook and doesn't mind that every once in a while I like to fry up a Spam sandwich.

I'm, 6 feet, four inches tall and 190 pounds of solid muscle. Ok, that's not strictly true. But I did weigh 190 once and I still have a couple of muscles. The tall part is accurate. I've been told I look like Mel Gibson. OK, that's not strictly true. I think somebody told me that I looked like Mel Gibson's barber, but close enough. But someone also told me I looked like a fatter Steve Buscemi. Was that a compliment?

I have three qualities that many women desire in a man: my own hair, my own teeth, and a job. I enjoy reading to the blind, talking about my feelings and taking my labrador puppy on long walks along the beach at sunset. OK, that's not strictly true, either. But I did have a puppy once who got lost at the beach and I walked all over trying to find the little sonuvabitch until it got dark. That part's ok. I enjoy cooking up a great meal (hot dogs, macaroni-and-cheese OK?) and giving foot rubs, but not at the same time unless it's convenient for you.

I like to laugh. But if you're one of those women who put in their ads "I want a man who can make me laugh" then you probably should marry Jerry Seinfeld (and if you could do that, why would you put an ad in the paper?). Actually I did make a woman laugh one time. I don't know what I did, but it must have been good because she got right up out of bed and got dressed. She still laughs when she sees me.

I am looking for a woman near my age who looks like Nicole Kidman and understands quantum physics (because I sure don't). She should like baseball and real blues, not Eric Clapton blues. She should have a healthy disdain for political and cultural conservatives, should think sex was better when it was dirty, should like the Three Stooges and be able to talk like Curly. It would also help if she had a really good job because there's a flat-screen, theater aspect TV I've had my eye on, not to mention the Mac Titanium laptop over at Microcenter. The woman I'm looking for is an artist/musician/writer with a gift for saying the right thing at any occasion, is a formerly Amish, fully-enlightened Tantric Buddhist who reads the Tarot. She must not, repeat, must not think that NASCAR is a sport or that Michael Bolton is a musician.

Looks aren't important.

OK, that last thing? That's not strictly true.

ANOTHER PERSONALS AD

I'm looking for my imperfect soul-mate/salvation/ beautiful, confused, neurotic, passionate, detail-oriented, reclusive, guilt-ridden, generous lover whose skin smells like home. She should have amazing eyes that crinkle when she says hello and light up when she sees me and lips that are eager for mine, eager for kisses uncountable, for tongue and teeth and and the intoxicating taste of your mouth on mine, hungry and insistent, the two of us forming concentric circles of perfect kisses.

I am looking for a woman both spiritual and sensual, interested in reading, watching, talking, thinking, feeling, reacting, meditating. Who holds on to my arm when we walk as though holding on to a favorite possession. I want a woman who wants to talk with me, tell me something I didn't know, show me something I've never seen, introduce me to new wine and new ideas in new bottles and old, challenge me to be better and do better.

I'm looking for someone whose hand fits perfectly in mine, whose shoulder slides easily into mine as we sleep, her breath in my mouth and nose - warm and familiar, breath that smells like love. I want a woman whose voice relaxes my tense muscles and quiets my noisy mind; whose voice sounds sleepy, sexy, wise, confident, womanly. . . who speaks my name as though it were poetry, breathing consonants and syllables of anxious want and a need to be near . . . someone who finds peace from the sound of my voice, finds calmness from my words of assurance and love. I want a woman who turns to me in crisis and turns to me to hear my story, turns to me to tell her own, turns to me to share her joys, her sorrows, her hopes and wants and dreams, turns to me for confirmation of a future of more of the same gladly, eagerly, lovingly, freely.

I don't think that's asking too much.
8:16:34 AM    Comments?()