Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Dubya's Day At the Ranch Dubya’s Day At the Ranch    6:15 AM: Dubya is out with a chain saw cutting Juniper trees.  Secret Service agents are cleaning up the mess.   Aide Rushes in.  “Mr President, Sir, we have captured an Iraqi position.  Mr. Rumsfield is on the phone."   Dubya:  Rummy.  I thought you promised to tell me before we captured Iraq.  What’s happened?   Rumsfeld:  Some of our boys got a little carried away.  They took over the Iraqi Embassy in Berlin.   Dubya:  Well it’s a start.  Well done.  I knew you could overwrought.. overrun…I mean overrule those stupid generals.  When should I go on TV.  (Aside to Aide-. “Wake up Karl.”)   Rumsfeld:  Mr. President, Sir, they are not actually in Iraq.  They are in an embassy in Berlin.  They’ve taken some hostages.  Also the German police are involved.   Dubya:  That’s great.  I knew those Germans would come around.  Ungrateful European bastards. We gave them their country, right!   Rumsfeld: Uh, Mr. President, the German police are not on our side.  They are trying to take back the Embassy for the Iraqi Government.  Also, Mr. President, I am not sure we need to be attacking embassies anyway.   Dubya:  Why not.  They probably got all that terrorist stuff in there.  Nukes and stuff.   Aide:  “Mr. President, Colin Powell is on the phone, he says its urgent.”   Dubya:  Rummy, hold on. Colin’s on the phone.   Powell:  Mr. President, we’ve got a problem.   Dubya:  Colin, you're just a wimp.  What problem.   Powell:  We don’t approve of attacking embassies of foreign governments.  Remember Jimmy Carter.  Remember how the Iranians seized hostages at the U.S. embassy.  With all due respect, Sir, we must have some consistent policies…   Dubya:  Don’t give me that Colin.  Don’t you know right from wrong.  If it’s an ayatollah, its evil. If its our good ‘ol boys, its fine.   Colin:  Sir, remember when the Peruvians stormed the Japanese embassy in Lima after it was taken over by terrorists.  Attacks on embassies are considered terrorism.  Don’t forget Osama attacked our embassies in Tanzania and Kenya.   Dubya:  Oh Yeah.  That’s why we now have those dumb construction barriers at the White House… Rummy—hold on,  Colin says this is bad.   Rumsfeld:  Mr. President, uh, he’s right.  I think our boys jumped the gun a little.   Dubya:  Okay fella’s. What are we going to do.  Damn, I wish Karen was here—she’s good at this stuff.   Rumsfeld:  We have to deny it, Sir.   Aide: Karl is on the line.   Dubya:  Karl—we got to say something about some damn hostages in an embassy or something....    Karl:  Yessir.  There is an evil way to attack Iraq and a good way.  We’ll say these hostage takers are part of the evil way.  That way no one will think they have anything to do with us, since we’re the good guys.   Dubya:  Damn I like that, Karl.  Okay fella’s. Let’s call them evil.  That’s it.  Now watch me take down this tree.   From the New York Times, Tues 8-20-02 The White House condemned the embassy takeover, and the chief spokesman, Ari Fleischer, told reporters that the United States had no advance knowledge of and no contacts with the dissidents. "Actions like this takeover are unacceptable," Mr. Fleischer said in Texas, where President Bush is vacationing at his ranch. "They undermine legitimate efforts by Iraqis both inside and outside Iraq to bring regime change to Iraq."   8:19:20 PM   comment []

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