Well, you knew this was coming...so without further ado, I present...
The Hate of the Union Address.
Fellow Americans,
I would like to open my oratory by remarking that you are indeed a genius, Karl Rove. Or whoever wrote that magnificent circle-jerk that Dumbya fumbled his way through.
This speech did wonders to repair Bush's sagging image. Rove & Co. turned away from the much-maligned buzzwords-- God is mentioned only twice, and the word "evil" was used only three times. The new Word of the Moment, it seems, is "threats," which appeared no less than 10 times throughout the hour. (Terror/terrorist references still won the gold with at least 21.)
More importantly, Rove did a great job of constructing a speech that actually said nothing.
For all of the ideas Dumbya proposed, there were no mentions made of where the money was going to come from. Not a one. So while it's nice to think we're earmarking $15 billion to fight AIDS in Africa (more on this in a tick), it's a lot less nice if that money comes OUT of, say, social security or welfare programs.
There was also a lot of talk about the case for war with Iraq, but again, no hard evidence. Bush told us that we have evidence linking Saddam to al-Qaeda, but didn't say what. He told us that Hussein is "not disarming, he's deceiving," but what I find deceiving is the fact that the inspectors have found nothing -- and now the onus is on Saddam to PROVE that he has nothing, not on the UN to prove he does. Funny how "innocent until proven guilty" only applies in US courtrooms (and then only with white defendants...just thought I'd add that).
Even the ideas Bush promotes that sounded good (and some legitimately shocked me) were either completely lacking in substance, contradicted later in the speech or simply too unbelievable given his record. For instance:
- "High quality health care for all Americans" is a great thought...but he shies away from any reference to socialized medicine, and then tells us nothing about HOW we'll get this health care. Everyone wants people to be covered in soundbites, but I still don't have coverage, and I'd like to know when I can expect it and how it will be funded.
- "Promoting energy independence" and "protecting the environment" also sound great, but hard to fathom coming from an oil-soaked administration and a president that has an environmental record worse than a Stihl chain saw with a leaky gas tank. Bush might as well have captained the Hapsburg Valdez, yet he's pushing for research on hydrogen-powered cars just days after granting an SUV tax break to corporate leeches? And we bought it?
- "In Afghanistan, we helped to liberate a troubled people." Insert punchline here.
- In one breath, he talks about a coalition effort in our upcoming war (and the other, yet-unfinished "wars"), and slams Saddam for his "contempt for the United Nations"...only to follow it minutes later by saying that "the course of this nation does not depend on the decisions of others." Interesting.
- Bush promises that he will deliver the suffering Iraqi people "food, supplies...and (smirk) freedom." Presumably, he means WHILE we're bombing the crap out of them. My next question being this -- where have those supplies been for the last decade? And are they getting the same kind of "freedom" our Afghan friends now enjoy?
This was a typical speech -- talking loud and saying nothing. But what makes it so much more enticing is that Rove and his Thesaurus boys did a great job of making it APPEAR substantial to the average (read: stupid) American television viewer. The GOP put together a great verbal run-around, and judging from early polls, most US citizens bought it...hook, line and Stinger.
The public now knows, thanks to Dumbya, that the US is "honorable in the use of its strength," and that we're fighting a "just war by just means." Sounds good to me...can I still enlist? Please? To defend freedom?
RoveCom's only real mistake? Knowing full well that Bush can't pronounce "nuclear" if his life depended on it, yet throwing a dozen "nuculers" into the speech anyway. Dumbya botched "peninshula," too, but we can just file that away for next time. Honest mistake.
Basically, fellow citizens, we're in a world of shit -- and despite the comforting words that came from the mouth of Der Fuhrer (and from the mind of someone else), things don't figure to improve much anytime soon. Economy's in the shitter...poor people are better off moving out of the country...and we're entering into another unjustifiable war on Dumbya's whim.
So there's the real state of your union -- and if your beliefs are now otherwise after that speech, I've got a WNBA franchise I'd like to sell you (sorry, Mohegan Sun...that wasn't a dig on you guys...really...good investment...it's a wonderful league...we got next).
Just remember, folks -- be wary of nuculer threats from faith-based terrorists near the evil peninshula...
...I think we call it "Delmarva."
(Let's see King George tongue-twist THAT one.)
-- O
3:13:13 AM 
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