Saturday, November 02, 2002

DISCLAIMER I, Pesky the Rat, take no responsibility for the vile spew you are about to read. My agent, Susan the Human, has forced me to allow Janet the Snake space on my weblog for "balance". Janet was recently fired from her own weblog after eating her typist. Susan thinks that Janet deserves one more chance. I am disgusted. I have protested, but to no avail. The slithering piece of rotting spaghetti will be heard. Remember: it is all lies. All of it! All of it I tell you! Janet the Snake's Evil Weblog Moment Aaaaaah, welcome, readers, to my new forum. I will be joining you on a regular basis to cut through the missssinformation being shoveled out by this bleeding-heart rodent.  Today's topic: the relentless persecution of my personal hero, SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt the Cat. These have been ssssuch hard times for Harvey. Rodents and humans hounding him day after day, claiming that his appointments to important accounting boards are less than proper.  I will have you know that Harvey gave each of those appointments his utmost consideration and only submitted the names of felines and reptiles with the greatest experience in the consumption of rodents.   This Webster fellow may have dipped in a few jars of fancy feast that weren't his own, or perhaps he simply looked the other way while others did. But the Webster appointment was small tamales. Harvey's greatest contribution to this country, by far, is the advancement of Feline Economics to a new level. Harvey the Cat realized, as Chaircat of the SssssEC, that one of the greatest problems in financial markets today is uncertainty.  Investors ssssimply don't know how much money they're going to have for retirement.  So Harvey the Cat created a new system by which citizen's retirement accounts shrink at a predictable rate averaging -5.6% per year. In order to keep things interesting, Harvey also included an algorithm to cause occasional bursts of +0.3% per year. This is enough to give investors distant hope but not enough to get them to expect anything.  The investment losses are then to be directly deposited in the personal accounts of executives and auditing committees associated with the various firms, as well as the esteemed Republican National Committee For All Sorts of Things That Aren't Technically Against the Law (one of my favorite charities). This sort of revolutionary thinking is really what got my dear Harvey into trouble. Rodents and lily-livered humans of course object, but then, they have never been concerned with the welfare of felines or accountants (and certainly not feline accountants). They are beholden to special interests, such as all those creatures that are not born with fangs. I for one am glad Harvey soared above for a while, even if the wimpy half-cat president pulls the plug next week as some say he will. We had our moment in the sun there at the SEC, and if the elections go our way, we will again. Remember--if you're a predator, do your part on election day Tuesday. Eat as many rodents as you can before they get to the ballot box. All my love, Janet the Snake, SuperSexy Reptile Pundit End Janet the Snake Evil Weblog Moment 6:21:02 PM

Signs of predatory human behavior Actual bumper sticker seen this afternoon on the back of an SUV on I-680 south in Dublin, California: "Defend the Constitution: shoot a liberal with an unregistered firearm" I'm sure if asked he'll claim it's a joke, but then again, the line between hatred and violence is a thin one these days, especially for primates. 2:32:12 PM