Friday, November 08, 2002

DISCLAIMER I, Pesky the Rat, take no responsibility for the sick tirade you are about to read. I am being forced to provide Janet the Snake with weblog space by my agent, Susan the Human. Please ignore everything this scale-ridden evolutionary accident has to say. Thank you. Janet the Snake Evil Weblog Moment: The Gloat Ooooooh, Tuesday night was ssssssooooo beautiful.  After a day of eating rodents on their way  to the polls I curled up in my cave and watched the returns come in, one after another, each result a little present to me and my fellow sssnakes.  We didn't do so well here in California, but then again, our candidate turned out to be Plasmodial Slime Mold in a human suit, so what could we expect. But the rest of the country was posssitively delightful. Now we sssee the little rodents scampering around, pointing tails at each other, trying to figure out what happened.  They say they didn't stand for anything, didn't fight for their pet causes hard enough. How charming. We snakesssss, of course, know the truth. It was a three-fanged approach, starting with posting snakes, cats and hawks at the entrances to most polling places. This intimidated enough rodents to get them to stay home. Then we had the cleanup patrol, those of us assigned to eat any rodents willing to defy the aforesaid predators and actually attempt to vote. That was the most deliciousssssss assignement and I enjoyed it thoroughly. The final component was the voting machines themselves, which were too high off the floor to be reached by rodents. Any rodents who made it this far exhausted themselves attempting to jump onto the voting machine, eventually collapsed, and were consumed by yours truly. It all worked sssssoooo well...and now, the piece der resistance, or however you say that. I just ssssspoke to my pal Georgie in the White House, and he says I get to be his first Sssssupreme Court nominee!  All I have to do is eat that rodent Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the assignement is mine.  I already have my robe and gavel picked out. I think I look very attractive, don't you? Of courssssse you do. Ta-ta, my readerssss. And remember, this uppity rodent Pesky the Rat is just a snack. That's all. You wouldn't take serious political opinions from a bag of potato chips, now would you? 11:55:35 AM