The Rat watches too much TV
I am at home curled up on a piece of toast, watching the television. On the tube tonight I have found a fellow named David Breese, who tells me that the Antichrist is coming. He says this is the case because: 1. Europe announced its common currency with a picture of a woman on a horse; 2. Israel is located next to lots of oil wells and is soon to be under the hypnotic influence of the evil Europeans (I don't believe the Israelis have gotten the memo on that one yet); 3. Prince Charles has applied to be the King of Europe. David says we should not tell anyone about the Prince Charles bit, as he got that from a "special" source. David is apparently unaware his broadcast is carried in 16 countries. I am fascinated by David's confidence. Any time he makes a preposterous, unbelievable statement--something no sane person would ever accept--he simply says, "the Bible says so", and suddenly, everything seems just as logical as an eye exam.
I must now flick to a new channel. Aaah, Suze Orman. I have heard about this woman, who makes enormous amounts of money telling people to stop buying lattes. It seems that half her callers are people calling in with this basic story: "Hi Suze (pronounced sooozeee, a name reviled by my agent, Susan the Human). My sister/brother/kid/other deadbeat relative wants me to cosign for their 10,000/20,000/30,000 loan, even though I work 1/2/3 jobs scraping gum off the bottoms of amusement park rides. My sister/brother/kid/other deadbeat relative is a scumsucking bottom feeder who wants to live off of my good name, but I am too spineless to say no. Can you please validate my low self-esteem?"
Suze's answer to these questions can be summed up very briefly: no.
Humans are so very, very gullible. It's a wonder they dress themselves in the morning. Nevertheless, they make for amusing television. Soldier on, my primate friends.
8:22:57 PM 
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