President Bush temporarily escapes insane turkeys;
cancels pay raises for Federal workers
The mob of insane turkeys who kidnapped President Bush surfaced in Reno, Nevada  today after lying low over the Thanksgiving holiday. Witnesses said the turkeys gambled extensively, particularly at roulette, often using themselves as dice. During the course of the evening, a beleagured President Bush escaped and found a pay phone. He managed to call the White House and had just enough time to order a freeze on a long-anticipated pay raise for Federal workers, designed to help eliminate the 18.6% gap between public and private pay, before the turkeys dragged him back to their white van outside the casino.
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, who took the call, says it was a poignant moment. "George likes to do at least one evil, dastardly thing each day. I feel honored that in his time of crisis, he called me to insure a few more Christmases could be needlessly ruined."
Once the turkeys reasserted control of Bush, the van was observed by a flock of seagulls driving erratically on I-395 toward Susanville. Secret Service agents are no longer in pursuit as they all took better-paying jobs guarding Bill Gates.
9:45:08 PM 
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