UN inspectors find massive stash of missing socks,
car keys, report cards, and homework in
Iraqi presidential palace
My Extremely Reliable Anonymous Source, Lumpy the Mongoose, tells me that the the UN inspection team has uncovered a major surpise in a presidential palace outside of Baghdad. Inspectors arrived at the site yesterday afternoon and noticed the Iraqi guards appeared extremely agitated. After some questioning, inspector Lars The Bomb Guy determined that the Iraqis were especially worried about a bathroom near the rear of the palace. After a series of threats and counterthreats, the Iraqis finally agreed to reveal the contents of the bathroom.
At this point, according to Lumpy, an Iraqi officer stepped into the bathroom and flushed the ornate toilet three times. The toilet then seperated into two pieces, revealing a hidden staircase. The inspectors followed the staircase deep underground until they reached a chamber the size of several football fields.
To the inspectors' shock and surprise, the chamber was full of millions of items lost by Americans, including socks, car keys, report cards, and reams and reams of homework assignments. Inspectors also found the remains of Amelia Earhart, the contents of Al Capone's vault, and 350,000 ballots from the Florida 2000 election (curiously, all seemed marked for Gore).
The Iraqis offered no explanation. Upon further invesigation, Lars and his fellow inspectors found a complicated duct system that appears to connect the Iraqi repository to every laundry room and sofa in America. Inspector Lars crawled into one duct and ten minutes later found himself climbing out of a stackable clothes dryer in Reno, Nevada.
When inspectors informed the Bush administration of their find, they got a strange request. According to Inspector Lars, "this White House aid asked me if I'd seen any boxes marked 'clues'. I told him no. He said to keep looking."
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11:17:53 AM 
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