American productivity soars; within ten years,
all American jobs will be handled by a single hamster
As a new report shows the productivity of American workers soaring by 5.4% in the last  quarter, we should think about what such a dramatic rise in productivity will mean to the average American down the road. For advice on this subject, I've consulted with renowned rodent economist Fluffybutt the Hamster.
Pesky: Good morning, Fluffybutt. Have you seen the latest report on American worker productivity released this week?
Fluffybutt: Why, yes, I certainly have, Pesky. These numbers are stronger than expected, and herald the beginning of a major shift in the American economy.
Pesky: In what way?
Fluffybutt: Well, you see, if productivity continues to increase at this rate, within ten years it will take only one ultra-productive hamster to do all the jobs.
Pesky: How will he do that? Isn't it impossible to be in two places at once?
Fluffybutt: Not for hamsters. You see, there are actually far fewer hamsters in the world than anybody thinks. We're all just very, very fast.
Pesky: What will happen to all the other rodents and humans whose jobs the hamster will replace?
Fluffybutt: They will have to find something else to do. Perhaps take up miniature golf.
Pesky: How will they eat?
Fluffybutt: I can see your concern. You see, if the Hamster is the only one working, he is also the only one with any money. This would of course reduce the demand for products and services to the point where the Hamster barely needs to work at all and virtually all production comes to a standstill. At that point, anyone who hasn't starved to death will be able to step in and start the productivity cycle over again.
Pesky: Is there anyway to avert the, er, starving part?
Fluffybutt: Of course. American workers should simply spend far more time surfing the internet, particularly by reading sites like "Pesky the Rat". This will keep productivity from getting out of control. Really, the fate of America depends on it.
Pesky: I've suspected this all along. Thank you for your time, Fluffybutt.
11:42:10 AM 
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