Stanford scientists deny cloning humans
Several prestigious scientists from Stanford University denied that their new stem cell experiments constitute human cloning. Bebopalula the Rat insisted during a press conference today that such suggestions are "scare mongering" by anti-cloning advocates and people who need something to do.
Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated story...
Northern California beseiged by throngs of rabid mutant Elvises 
Tens of thousands of identical, rabid, mutant Elvises (or is that Elvi?) swarmed across Northern California today, robbing 7-11s of pork rinds and singing loudly while drunk. Numerous residents reported the Elvises, who have huge beer bellies which they heave about in a threatening manner. One Elvis stole an entire truckload of Playboy magazines and is said to be headed for Memphis.
Meanwhile, back at The Farm...
Stanford students bewildered by duplicate professors
Thousands of Stanford University undergraduates walked into class today and found two or even three professors instead of one. Each professor appears exactly like the original, except for occasional misplaced limbs and numerous fish-like appendages. One human student says the novelty soon wore off. "The professors all assigned homework. So we had three assignments instead of one. That really cuts into your mall time."
11:23:04 PM 
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