Bush administration cites Iraqis
for poor grammar in weapons declaration
My Extremely Reliable Anonymous Source, Lumpy the Mongoose, tells me that war with Iraq is ever closer today due to grammatical problems with the Iraqi weapons declaration.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld cited several examples of what he called "unnacceptable grammatical constructs". Rumsfeld says it is the position of the United States Government that such constructs constitute a material breach of something or other.
Example #1: The dangling modifier. "Hissing and bubbling, the Iraqi official responsibly and with great concern removed the biological weapons from the elementary school."
Example #2: Unclear pronoun reference. "Although the canisters appear to contain gallons and gallons of weapons-grade smallpox solution, and the local village has no decent coffee shop, it really isn't anything to worry about."
Example #3: Excessive and unnecessary use of the passive voice. "The plutonium was observed to have been placed in the abandoned building at a time when Iraqi officials were removed from the area."
Example #4: Wordiness. "Despite the fact that certain items of a sensitive nature were in close proximity to and to a large extent and large measure in the absence of appropriate distance from other items which were to a large extent also of a sensitive nature, we have made a determination in view of the fact that such sensitive items in close proximity to one another in the very near future or the exceptionally recent past is not really a big deal."
The US Army Grammar Enforcement Reserves are being called up from universities and colleges around the country to respond to this threat.
1:49:56 PM 
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