Pesky's Sunday Quickies
To those of you coming to me from Google after typing, "Bush is Sauron": absolutely. Question: if Bush is Sauron, who is Sauruman? And where the living heck is that damned hobbit? We're waiting. Although my agent, Susan the Human, says she'll settle for Viggo Mortenson in a hot tub.
40,000 people protested against war in Iraq in San Francisco yesterday, but when I flipped on CNN Headline news, they reported instead a small protest in Moscow of a few hundred people organized by the communists. Which proves two things: 1, the felines are right--CNN loves those communists; and 2, San Francisco is actually invisible to the naked eye.
That would explain why when you drive to San Francisco all the freeways suddenly disappear.*
The San Jose Mercury News, this rat's hometown newspaper, reports that Bush has made 50 major changes to environmental policy since taking office. However, it has come to my attention the Mercury left out the most important five. I have dutifully listed them here:
- Flatulance is prohibited outside of White House grounds to prevent global warming.
- Yosemite National Park will be sold to Disney as a location for a new theme park. The theme will be, how many ways can you plummet to your death off a really big rock.
- All trees in Siskiyou National Forest will be replaced with those fake plastic trees they use for cell phone towers.
- Approval to build the world's largest shopping mall in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Free parking for caribou. 10% discount for Musk Oxes.
- Approval of genetically modified cows capable of producing really good beer.
*Warning: obscure traffic-related joke detectable only to residents of the San Francisco area.
12:59:07 PM 
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