Wednesday, January 22, 2003

The Snake is Back Disclaimer:  I, Pesky the Rat, hereby register my absolute disgust at my agent Susan the Human's insistance that I allow Janet the Snake space on my weblog for "balance".  This ungrateful, slithering future fashion accessory has dirtied my page far too much in the past, and I am horrified she is to be allowed back for another go. I simply ask that you think no less of me for this transgression.  Janet the Snake, SuperSexy Reptile Pundit,  defends tax cuts for the rich Hello there my dear little readersss, Janet the Snake here, at your ssservice, ready to dish it out faster than that puny little rat can take it. Ssso today's topic is: why are those little rodents so upset about tax cuts for the rich? What on earth isss their problem? I've got two words for all you whiny little lemmings out there: Food Chain. Rich people, of which I am one, thanks to my bessstselling book, "Slander: Rodent Lies about Animals that Eat Rodents", are rich because we deserve to be. Because we have worked hard for what we have, unlike the unwashed minor mammilian massssssses who sspend their days thinking about poetry and eating granola barss.  We are at the top of the food chain because we have big, shiny fangs and we aren't afraid to use them. I mean, let's look at my dear friend, Georgie, out there in the White Houssse. Georgie's family has basically gotten themselves where they are today through a long series of deliciously sneaky business deals, not all of them entirely legal. That's the sort of initiative that gets you ahead in thisss world, let me tell you.  If the rest of you weren't smart enough to track down the right loopholes, why should I have to pay for it?  After all, I'm going to eat you in the end, anyway, ssso why does it really matter? 96% of the taxesss in this country are paid by the richest half of Americans.  The ressst of you, clearly, no longer have any incentive to work. You prefer to lounge about in the lap of luxury, taking home hundreds of dollarsss--hundreds! a month in unemployment or welfare, sssipping cocktails on your government-subsidized yachts while the rest of us toil away, counting our dividend checks, dutifully sorting through our trust-fund money, looking for ways to enrich thisss great country of ourss. You have forgotten your place, rodentsss. You have forgotten that asss ssoon as you are born into this world, your purpossse is to feed usss. If you are allowed a week on this glorious planet, it is a gift from ussss. We give more generously to some than others, but make no missstake, the clock belongs to usss. 4:36:10 PM