Sunday, February 09, 2003

Please note that the following does not reflect the opinion of Pesky the Rat, or any mammal with a shred of self-esteem. The following is a word from our sponsor Good mornin' my little primates o' Jeezus, this is Roberston Baker Fallwell again, back to bring the Good Word to the Not So Good and the Really Lousy Ones too.  Today's topic is: what would Jeeeeezus think about all these dang tax cuts? Well, my monkey friends, you've come to the right place. As I happen to be in Di-Rect contact with Him Himself, I can tell you exactly what all Jeeeezus would think. Just the other day, I was countin' up all those generous do-nations the faithful have been sending to yours truly, and I got The Call. Not on my cellular, mind you, but on that phone in my head, that Di-Rect line to the Bed Bath and Beyond. Anyhow, I got The Call, and it was Jeeeeezus (sometimes it's the Holy Ghost, but he gets all whoooshy and it's hard to hear). Jeeeeezus said to me, he said, "Robertson!" and I said "Why, hell yes!" and He said "I wanna tell you something about those big ol' tax cuts the re-publicans like so much" and I said "well, you go right ahead, Jeezus," and then I got call waiting and it was my mother yellin' at me for that stupid nest fire I started last week up in Point Reyes, but that's a different story altogether. Anyway, I got back on with Jeeeeezus (he's a patient feller) and He said, "Robertson, those tax cuts are God's work. You go right ahead and enjoy the hell outta those tax cuts." and I said, "Thanks Jeeeezus, but as I'm a religious organization I don't pay taxes anyway" and Jeeeeezus said, "Well is that so?" and I said, "well, hell yes! You don't take me for a fool, do ya Jeeeeezus?" and Jeeezus said, "why I'd never take you for a fool, Robertson, you're the handsomest seagull I ever made" and I said "thank you kindly, Jeeeeezus" and He said, "you just remember to get those primates to send you lots and lots o' money so's they won't BURN IN THE FIRES OF HELL" and I said, "sure thing, Jeeeeezus, you know how much I love those primates." So there you have it, folks, and I hope I've made myself clear. Jeeeeezus expects all you primates to take that money from your tax cuts and send it right on over to yours truly.   Y'all gotta know, if you stiff The Seagull, y'all's gonna BURN IN THE FIRES OF HELL. Thank you, thankyouverymuch. End of Paid Advertisement New Virtual Occoquan now available Want to browse samples from a variety of weblogs? Discover a writer that speaks to you. The Virtual Occoquan online magazine contains samples of Salon Blogs writers' work.  Find a piece of writing you like, click on the accompanying link, and you're hooked up with a weblog full of that writer's material. Really, it's that easy. 10:37:40 PM