The owl fights back
As the Bush administration declared the California Spotted Owl to not be worthy of endangered status, despite declining numbers and an anticipated major increase in logging the next few years, I decided to give some space to an alternative view. Larry the Spotted Owl. who weighs only a few ounces and is devestatingly cute, is the manager of a Harley Davison dealership near Kings Canyon National Park.
Larry the Spotted Owl: The Rant 
All right people. All right. I've had it up ta here with this plant in the White House and his repewbican friends trashin' my living room. I've had it, do you hear me? I swear to God, I've got halfa mind ta fly back there and crap on his chimney.
So now they've got this genius plan to CUT DOWN MY TREES so that they won't "burn up". What a crock o' hooey that is. Yo, plant-boy, you wanna cut somethin down? Let's try some o' that extra foliage on your flabby pink primate ass.
You wanna piece o' me? You wanna piece o' me? I'm a Spotted Owl, for Chrisssakes. I could pin you ta the ground in two moves. Two! Yeah, I watch those Jackie Chan movies. I got all da moves. I'm superfly.
So go ahead, plant-boy, go ahead and try ta touch my trees. I'll be there, waiting for ya. Waiting behind a bush. Hehehehehehe. I got da moves. Nobody got nothin' on this owl. Yup, that's right. You know what I gotta say to you, plant-boy?
Wipe your ass on this, pine-cone for brains.
9:53:55 PM 
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