Friday, February 14, 2003

Disclaimer: I, Pesky the Rat, hereby disavow every foul-smelling letter written by this overrated, conniving, armless, fork-tongued garden hose. My agent and manager, Susan the Human, continues to force me to give her space on my weblog for "balance".   Somebody please make her into a purse. Janet the Snake, SuperSexy Reptile Pundit,  on why the UN are a bunch of weenies Ooooooh the poor little rodent is wetting his pantsss again. If he even wears any, the little sissy thing.  It musst be ssso hard being a rodent, always worrying about being snatched up and digested by a sssuperior form of life such as myssself.  Little snack. Sso Friday the United Nations proved why they aren't worth a thing these dayss. Itty bitty Mr. Blix showed up and ssaid some rotten unhelpful thingss, and nobody cared, and the Frenchies and the Germans and the people from those other little countries jumped up and down and threw pastries. Thatss all they do over there, you know, is make passtries. Here in America we make guns and rocket launchers and tanks and nukuler warheadsssss. Lovely, sssexy, subssstantial nukuler warheadsss. I love nukuler warheadsss. I like to ssslither up against them and rub myssself on them for hours. What the rodents can't see is the appeal of weaponsss like these. Their isss a certain thrill I get when I curl my tail around a Sssmith & Wesssssson, or when I go out to the local elementary sssschool to practice with my rocket launcher. The power. The forward thrusssst. The boooooomb. Very sssexy. And as you already know, I am SuperSexy.  Sssometimes, when my little friend Ssean Hannity (SuperSuperSuperSexy) isn't charming me on television, I sssneak away and throw grenades at little plassstic models of Bill Clinton and Al Gore.  The rodents don't underssstand this. They lack the gonads. Ssso remember: the UN are a bunch of weenies. They didn't grow up flinging explody things at the neighborssss. In grammar sschool, they didn't built fortsss with anti-aircraft batteriessss to keep out the third graders. They have never ssslept lovingly wrapped around the barrel of a Winchester rifle.  Infidels. The human requests assistance Susan the Human has decided to move my weblog to her own server, with the domain http://www.peskytherat.com. In theory, she knows how to do this. In practice, however, she fears the worst. If any of you have actually done this, and have any pointers, please oblige with a note in the comments--or email susan directly. The blog will still be hooked into Salon Blogs rankings & updates, but Susan will have a bit more control.  10:39:39 PM