Hilary to Kathy, July 1, 1971 cont., Arlington, VA Dear Katarina cont.
Yes, we all watched Princess Tricia being married – in spite of rain, in the Rose Garden. I’m sure millions of marriageable girls sighed to see her. Despite Nixon’s outlay of money to buy his daughter a fashionable wedding it was rather tacky. And they live happily ever after – they have to because the country will be shocked if they don’t!
You asked who Jack was and I’m SO glad you did. I haven’t confided in ANYBODY – COULDN’T – except to you.
ANYWAY – I met Jack last year – never thought much about him. At the New Year’s party I remember talking to him because he ws sitting alone on the couch – He seemed unthrilled and I am overly sensitive so I didn’t hang around. He entertained My friends at my party in April – and then he made eyes at Gale – even promised to call her – but never did. At this point I was SORT of running around with Ken – even agreed to go to the prom with him. On my birthday, Alex, Mike, Shauna and I went to Jacks – Jorge and Judith came and we sat around eating my birthday pie & drinking vodka. I talked with Jack but he seemed unthrilled again and I found out later he had grabbed Shauna in the darkroom. I was VERY insulted (so was she). Then Jack gave a superhuge party in the beginning of May. Mike & Shauna kept telling Ken to go get me – I was MAD because I wanted to meet all those people! Anyway, I looked at Jack’s darkroom – and he did the same to me – he turns off the light and you make for the door when you feel these arms slide around your waist – I wasn’t exactly protesting either – but in my anger at Ken – I was about to say “you remind me of Ken!” – but said “you remind me of someone” “who?” “Too many people” – I didn’t mean to say it! Anyway he stalked off being EQUALLY sensitive! That Monday I told Ken I didn’t want to go to the prom – Jack was looking for someone and I arranged for Mike to drop subtle hints – But, ALAS – Jack discovered some icky junior named Betsi – he took her on the picnic that Jorge arranged the next weekend – and they rode with Alex and me in the Fiat. Anyway – I decided that I liked Jack – A LOT – and was very upset –
We came back to Jorges at the end of the day – Jack dropped Betsi off – who was going to be busy that night and when he came back Jorge was saying how he and Judith and Jack were going to spend the evening at home watching T.V. and how about if I came and kept Jack company. I couldn’t resist even though I felt very much like I was jut filling in or being used.
Anyway – “keeping Jack company” was more than just talking! – but though I felt thoroughly thrilled – enjoying every minute I was afraid to act satisfied to “fill in” I may have mentioned that I found Jack VERY endearing – but in my effort to resist turned out downright BITCHY – well, not totally uncooperative but very disagreeable. Anyway, didn’t see him for ages – but the night after the prom, we had everybody come over after graduation and Jack and Jorge declined to bring Judith and Betsi. Jorge is going to buy Judith an ENGAGEMENT ring, so I guess he wanted a last fling and threw himself open to offers (He’s always made a point of saying “when and if you feel like it…”to me – which I enjoy ) but I declined and sat with Jack on the sofa and we watched a “Dracula” movie with Alex, Mike and Shauna. The familiar friendliness made me hope but he left with everybody else. A week later we went to the movies with Jorge, Judith, Jack and Betsi but I got the equally familiar freeze-out when he returned from dropping Betsi off. I had resigned myself to forgetting him, thinking he had never liked me, it was hopeless etc. – Then on Sunday Chris and I had a long chat on the phone – for some reason he was listing the people in that group who at one time or another had been “climbing walls” over me, and Jack was one of them – NOW WHAT? Aren’t I AWFUL – and SILLY?
AHH! So like the rest of my life. AND to add to my troubles – the last month of school, Emory K. decided to fall madly in love with me – he kept following me around exclaiming how amazing – fantastic etc. I was and calling me up to pour out his heart – I finally shook him off.
Remember Karen S. – the people who lived behind the K’s with the wooden eagle? Mrs. S. is deaf – reads lips – and Karen is a little crumb because of taking advantage of that. And remember Alex the big German Shepherd – WELL! Mrs. Sachs brother from Chicago seems to stay with them a lot – he’s at least 25, chubby, Ivy League type who oozes with “upper class” society – I ran into Alex and he introduced himself – I talked to him for a bit and he asked if I would take care of Alex as they were going out of town for the weekend – I said OK – the S’s went away but HE didn’t – He didn’t explain – but came around yesterday and was really COMING ON! He even asked me to go out with him – I haven’t anything against 25 year old Ivy League “preppies” from Chicago – but GOOD GRIEF – I feel now that he’s using Alex (the dog) to get to me. I also am POSITIVE that he wouldn’t bat an eyelash at me except that he is hard up for company at the moment. I’m only 15! Young innocent and slightly afraid of “older men”! HELP! I mean, I have to hide every time he walks that stupid dog I’m so afraid he’ll approach me. WOE again! I mean, I know it’s silly but I have a tendency to be slightly nervous about going out with 18 yr. olds until I know them well and for a long time. I wish I weren’t so neurotic about people! PLEASE, PLEASE advise me! What to do with myself at this point? I’m always afraid of ANYTHING until I am thoroughly familiar AND feel in control of my situation – that’s a Big Part of it. I am such a chicken – I don’t really always like that self-sufficient façade I give – as of yet every guy I’ve ever gone out with took all of my idiocy –
Gee, I didn’t realize how screwy it IS with me. Oh, it is SUCH a pain WORRYING – I don’t mind easy problems – it’s the hard ones that CONFRONT me sometimes –
I realize now that this letter is long and probably incredibly boring to you – I also hope you don’t mind being the one person I can really confide in.
I can’t believe your father wants an extension – WHY! How LONG is an extension – OH!
I hope I am not the first to tell you that Jim Morrison died – I’ll send the article from the POST.
Alex is in California for the summer. Before he left he smashed the FIAT – and because he decided to go to Northern Virginia Community College they bought him his own Fiat – a ’67 sedan – this is definitely ALEX’S summer, not mine!
I guess I should stop and go to BED as I have to get up early tomorrow for school – I DREAD morning…..
OH WELL!,
WRITE SOON!
Love, Hilary
P.S. – don’t be too sick from all the ranting and raving in this letter…..
Princess Tricia. 
10:20:57 AM 
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