Hilary to Kathy, August 12, 1971, Arlington, VA Thursday, Aug. 12, 1971
Dear Kathy-
Your situation is distressing! I just got your letter – really don’t know what to say – but I’ll offer my opinions and advice.
First: you’ve got to stop thinking no one can love you. I know because I feel the same way myself – and it’s terrible – it can make you doubt when there’s no need to. Im thrilled to hear you’ve found somebody – He sounds great – English? Rich? ZOWIE! However, knowing you can’t be as bad as I am about things like that.
But you still haven’t known him THAT long – and you can change your mind so easily – What I’m trying to say is WAIT – please don’t hurry without thinking about everything – I mean if it’s just a quickly burning passion – do you want it anyway? I hate to be cynical but he could be bullshitting you – in some ways at least – I’m very suspicious – I feel Victorian – but I would hate for you to regret anything.
Please, PLEASE don’t sleep with him! Not yet or for a long while if you think it’s that inevitable (I never thought it had to be) – To be really dreary – I know it is but a friend of Shauna A’s recently did the same thing – only worse – she knew a guy 2 days – who said “I can’t live without it!” and she gave in right then – they were “ecstatic” for a week – and he’s run out on her and she’s miserable and BLAH BLAH BLAH but now even I know about it and I don’t even KNOW her.
It’s dumb – you’ve probably heard similar stories but it BUGS me.
I hate to sound like Ann Landers but you’ve got to have more in common than sex. I really think that it should come after you’ve thoroughly explored each others MINDS. What does he want for the future – and what do you want? I mean like after the summer – I think the impulse is just to grab him and never let go. But if you have doubts it’s such a hassle! Think about what you want – and what he wants – nothing ultimate, but you know – weigh the issues – your feelings etc.
One other stupid bit of advice – a love affair is not always the panacea for all of one’s miseries.
I think – at least from my experiences that it’s healthy to be kind of worried – not like, overjoyed because it can be shattered – and it indicates something real – you know? True concern. Depressed, too. Hopefully not over any fault with him – (but you should watch for annoying things – like Male Chauvinism!) because if its you the best thing to do is try and relax and enjoy the present Male Chauvinism can be infuriating – but sometimes it can mean he’s just concerned.
Pardon the brief change in subject but I was about to write you a lecturous letter about your habit – I’m so glad you’re off – I’m sorry – but I really worry about you. You can give up grass – if it isn’t super-important to you. I kind of hope it’s not. Principle – like the one involved in giving in like that – but don’t worry about being too moral.
Does he love you - ! Know you can’t tell but when he says it is he saying it to prove something – or make you happy – I mean if he does he should try and make you happy.
Sometimes I want to crawl way. The problem is sometimes I do. I’m glad you’ve found me suitable to write to – I hope this garbage doesn’t make you sick – but I really mean it – I may be too straight – or COLD – but I’m trying –
Please write soon and tell me more about everything – Forgive me for being slack – I haven’t written anyone in months. I will send a follow-up letter soon. Hopefully something CHEERING – (I couldn’t find the Jim Morrison article, will send a copy of Rolling Stone)
Love, Hilary
4:07:36 PM 
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