Hilary to Kathy, May 22, 1972, Arlington, VA May 22, 1972
Dear Kathy,
I have been wracked with guilt for over a month now. Your letter, which arrived today, has thrown me into despair! So I am writing to ease my conscience. The words of a true bullshit artist! Actually I didn’t mean anything except that I’ve wanted to write for a long time.
Learing to drive in the red Fiat. 
Your letter was very amusing even though I don’t think you meant for it to be. I think you’re in a cheery kind of mood? I’m not! There. I began a beautiful card complete with enclosures for your B-day but never sent it. I will send it now I guess if you’ll accept it. Well! How does it feel to be 16? You’ve had over 4 weeks to find out… There is a guy I know named Wendell who’s birthday was the 25th. We’ve been comparing progress on our development since then. You know, standard jokes about how young he is and how much I’ve changed in only four weeks time. The kind we used to have only it’s nice to be on top for once! However, and I don’t know if you’ve reached this conclusion or not, but Wendell and I have decided that being 16 is a thrill for about FIVE DAYS! We’ve decided to turn 19 next month for a new thrill.
My driving in deteriorating from unskilled beginner into rotten driver. I still don’t have my license but Shauna does and my parents entrust me with the car in her company. It’s legal if you have a learner’s permit which I do. Anyway, every drive is a hair-raising adventure. Friday I almost got hit by a speeding fire truck. Patty (co-senator) was in the death seat and couldn’t talk for 5 minutes as the fire truck was zooming towards her side of the car. Do you remember the red Fiat? That’s the one I drive—it’s fun shifting gears but I could easily live with an automatic.
I feel like I deserve all sorts of responsibilities but I’m always screwing up something which makes me feel very unstable & unworthy. Nobody will confirm my fears, but I’m beginning to suspect that I’m slightly unbalanced. I mean, I always leap for the chance of taking things into my own hands and making my own decisions but I always feel as if I’ve overstepped my limits and then I screw up to make things worse.
On the other hand I think it could be my parents inflicting their doubts about me on my confidence. In other words, I decide to do something, then realize I should have consulted them first and feel so guilty that it seems to turn out wrong. I think it doesn’t really come out so bad but I just think it does. They never scream or shout but they can make you feel guilty really easily. I resent that. Do you understand any of that? I’ve wondered about all those things a lot.
6:24:30 AM 
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