….Rain today, howling winds, angry surf. So I put on my sleazy rump-sprung black jogging pants, and took all the Mallomars with me to the sofa in front of the TV. The forecast had driven me into Blockbuster earlier in the week where I picked up "Memento" and "Novocaine."
I will not so much as comment on "Memento." Except to say it was back in its plastic box before the first Mallomar was lead in my stomach.
Novacaine was another matter. I cannot resist Steve Martin. And I guess I missed the film when it was at my Cineplex, given that they are booked for five minutes, and I have other things to do. Like eat and sleep.
Steve plays a dentist. This is a straight, clean-cut guy with a nice house and car, and a blonde girlfriend, who is also his hygienist. After the first 5 minutes, everything starts going to hell. In the beginning, just a trickle, like teeny-weeny drops of water from a broken sink pipe, and then a flood. There is a sniff of hitch-hiking on the "The In-Laws," and Alan Arkin's family man dentist's descent into hell.
Steve is scammed by an adorable, raffish little girl who claims a bad tooth, but only wants Demerol. She changes a prescription for five to 50. And we are off to the races. I laughed several times. After all, we are talking about my love, Steve Martin. And the film tracked, and had a plot, and it was fun in a quiet, normal, Mallomar kind of way….
Then the movie went into the toilet. Everything was just fine until the last, oh, 15 or twenty minutes, when we are treated to a bloody close up of Steve yanking out all of his own teeth, and, I think, sticking them in his dead brother's bloody mouth. I haven't quite figured out if the dead brother gets Steve's newly extracted teeth, or a set of false teeth, already made.
And I don't care ! It ruined what was essentially a neat little black comedy.
Who was responsible for this outrage? I will hunt them to the ground, find out where they live, and they will never enjoy another peaceful moment in their pandering-to-teenagers movie-making life!
Sorry, Steve, but I hope everyone lost a bundle.. And that you had some kind of iron-clad "play or pay" contract.
7:00:43 PM 
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