The Devil's Excrement





  Venezuela
For those that just want to know about the bizarre, wonderful country of Venezuela and its even more bizarre current Government
Last updated:
4/3/2007; 8:38:18 PM

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Former Professor and University President Ivan Olaizola also had something to say about the acquisition of the 100,000 rifles by the Venezuelan Army in today’s Tal Cual (by subscription). I thought it was not only good, but clever and it would be worth translating for you all.

And the rifles arrived by Ivan Olaizola

At last the moment has arrived. Another day for the annals of the history of the homeland. 30 thousand beautiful AK-103 rifles, specially designed by Mr. Kalashnikov for the Bolivarian revolution, pretty, armed and peaceful. The truth is that the ceremony of the opening of the first box of rifles, in front of a thick, truly really thick group of high military officials of the also tall military command, headed by the Minister of Defense himself, the thickest one of them all, and a true, a really true Admiral, with three suns, of those that have sailed the seven seas, was something that is hard to describe. The official announcer of the TV channel that belongs to MVRTV, had his voice broken over, he could not contain himself in the face of such a historical and transcendental ceremony. We heard the voice of the Minister giving the order to some underlings, all with gloves and their mouths covered, that they could open the first box of rifles. With care, a lot of care, because they are the jewels of the revolution.

The Minister raised the first specimen. Here it is my Commander in Chief, holding the first AK-103, which weighed 4.1 Kilos. And at a cost of US$ 386.22 (something like Bs. 850,000)

To hell with the FAL's (the previous rifles of the Venezuelan Armed Forces). Now get your bayonet out with care.

Beautiful instrument of fine craftsmanship that can cut a hair in the air, as people say. One could see in a brief glimpse the boxes which contained the two and a half million bullets of 7.62 caliber. In the background, a dove fluttered around during the ceremony. Those that were accompanying the Minister had misty eyes; it was all emotion, maximum adrenalin, 120 beats per minute. And it could not be any other way. In the remote distance the supreme leader of this process licked his lips and rubbed his hands. Total revolutionary orgasm.

Puerto Cabello also paid its respects, its usually calm waters choppy with giant waves to greet the revolutionary and pacific particiapants of the event.

But there was more. The remainder 70 thousand AK-103 will arrive for Christmas as a present of the God Child, not from Santa.

And our skies were cut through by 15 Russian helicopters: 6 MI17, 8 MI-35 and one MI-26 and 18 and more are on the way. But the peaceful list does not end there. There are also orders for fighter planes, submarines, torpedoes, missiles, bombs, grenades, mines, tanks and convoy vehicles. The Russian ship ANYA has cargoes for a few months. Mission Peace, we could call it. Billions of dollars for peace. Thus declared the Vice President of the Republic. Write it down well, mister reporter, so you don’t twist the news, noted Ministers Aristobulo and Moncada. You can write in your article that the AK-103’s are for the revolution like pencils, notebooks, computers, desks and books.

This revolution has provided us with beautiful days, with shining sun and soft breeze, but I doubt any other one like this one.

Let the schools and the Bolivarian high schools and the universities wait. Pensioned off teachers should be patient.

Potholes will be covered and bridges repaired. The victims of natural disasters will be dignified. No more Vargas, no more viaducts.

No more kids in the streets. There will be no more blackouts, nor water shortages, but the lemna will indeed be gone. Healthcare for everyone. From the arsenal of the Armed Forces in Maracay, where they were taken to be custodied, they will be distributed to all the defenders of the pretty and peaceful revolution with 30 cartridges per charge, so they can fire 30 kisses of love for their fellow human beings. At the tip of ethe barrel of each AK-103 there is a flower of hope. Mi wife whispers at mi ear: didn’t you tell me once that someone invented a machine to cut necks with and they tested it with him? The truth is I don’t understand, what does that have to do with this?

10:32:20 PM    comment []




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