Here's a story about those fake diploma mills that will set you up with all the documentation you need to land that big job. They guarantee that your diploma will pass visual muster, and many of these operations will answer the phone and confirm your "attendance" if a prospective employer calls. The rest of us pray that our Lasik eye surgeon wasn't hired this way.

According to the LA Times article, Stephen Corbin wanted a degree to replace "an empty feeling" and instead of grabbing lunch he dialed up the "University of San Moritz," following their e-mail pitch to him.

"We went through a discussion of what I had done in my profession, running a business and everything like that," Corbin said. "And they said, 'Oh yeah, you qualify.'"

They go so far as to list the degrees on personal and work Web pages. Among them: a congressional candidate in Northern California, a rabbi who does family counseling in the San Fernando Valley, an assistant director of financial aid at Occidental College and a student counselor/psychology teacher at College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita.

From: "im4you@worldnet.att.net"
Subject: UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS (30740)

UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS

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Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your life experience.

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No one is turned down.

CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!
1-603-623-0033, Extension 312

Let's go back to that congressional candidate, David LaPere (D), who's running for California's 21st District. He says he went with a degree from the University of Wexford in Switzerland (also a San Moritz branch) because "they were one of the few who did take life experience into account." While he claims in his defense to have actually done correspondence work, this is highly questionable since the San Moritz group has never offered classes. When asked to produce some samples of his scholarly efforts:

LaPere refused to show The Times any of his course work. "That is not acceptable," he said, ending the interview.

The telling point is the utter lack of contact information besides a single phone number and a nondescript Irish address in Dublin. On checking this, the Times discovered that the address is nonexistent.

A similar scam is offered by a company calling itself a Diploma Replacement Service. Their pitch is very wink-wink, nudge-nudge:

Shockingly Authentic Looking "Novelty" Diplomas.
Highest Security Transcript Paper Available Anywhere.

We offer the highest quality, most authentic appearing diplomas available anywhere. All diplomas are printed on heavy 60# Diploma Parchment. Have it Notarized at your local Grocery Store or Bank and return it to us before we will make the Diploma and/or Transcript. The job of a Notary is not to question you about your document. Their job is to affirm that the signature you place on the form is yours.

6:23:45 PM       

Writing is lot like sex, in that those who discuss it the most tend to do it the least. There is something seductive about referring to oneself as "a writer," as if the act of composition imbues prattle with profundity and sharpens the inner gaze into a scalpel that penetrates the human condition.

It don't and it won't. But the grim fact is that countless dilettantes and bumkins are now competing for our attention through the miracle of electronic publishing and, as is all too clear by now, few have anything of substance to impart.

Each writer who forwards a text for consideration is saying, in the act of submission, that "this is the best I can do. I believe you will appreciate it." Other reasons for writing exist, but the product in most cases is simply too painful to behold.

So let's take a moment here and reaquaint ourselves with the concept of critical authority. We are empowered, as readers, to make a personal decision as to whether we like or dislike a particular offering; we choose to read or ignore. But there are different kinds of blogs and each demands a separate kind of skill and talent to carry off well, wouldn't you agree?

The Informant

Good blog: Whether technical, literary, artistic, political, or journalistic, this writer has a knack for finding the unusual or presenting the known in a unique way. Quality of information is paramount and may in some cases supercede the requirement of skilled presentation.
Bad blog: This writer posts a bunch of links and doesn't tell you why you should click on them. The content is either stale, uninteresting, or too shopworn to be of value. If your blog's raison d'etre is to be critical of the Republican administration, you're probably in trouble already.

The Amuser

Good blog: This writer makes you laugh. You click on this one because it's been a long day (or it's going to be one) and you could use a fresh perspective on things. It might be a story, a satire, or even Lileksian prose, but it's a "page turning" read every time.
Bad blog: Not funny. "My first novel!" Bad poetry. "Guess what I can see outside my window!" What the writer did last night "wif me mates."

The Ranter

Good blog: Comes across like Rooney, Barry, and O'Rourke. It's kvetching, but in a way you can empathize with: "Why, yes, it's exactly like that." Misery loves company, and satisfaction is best experienced when contemplating the misfortunes of another.
Bad blog: Reminds you of that time a beery 21-year-old sat next to you in a bar. It's nice that you dislike things. Now please go away.

The Wise Friend

Good blog: Perhaps it's the quality of writing, or maybe the perspective this person has on things, and it might be the morbid fascination with which you poke at a wound, but you keep reading this person's work because of the developing relationship it establishes between the two of you.
Bad blog: "My God, won't she ever hang up?" If you aren't genuinely inspired with a good idea, or if you don't have a superb gift for observation, your blog may fall into this category.

Good writers often exhibit mastery of multiple styles and can weave these coherently into brilliant work. The Raven recommends, based on the number of new blogs that begin with the words, "I have no idea what I'm doing, but here goes," that blog writers should reflect at length on the mechanics of writing and aggressively look for inspiration before they sit down at the keyboard.

10:17:31 AM