Every few years in Japan a new symbol of "kawaii," or cuteness, comes along. If you haven't seen the Japanese cute phenomenon up close it's easy to miss how important this is and how much money rides on the issue. For example, when tamagotchi keychains—remember those?—hit the scene in the late '90s, an entire economy sprang up around the pocket-pets. Grungy, unwashed construction workers would set up shop on Ginza streetcorners, and they knew exactly which colors and features carried the top premium, getting over $100 profit per toy at the scalper's rate. Or take Sanrio's "Hello Kitty" image: with a theme park backing it up, licensing rights to the amorphous feline have generated billions in wealth for the parent corporation as Kitty-chan worked its androgenous and unthreatening likeness onto everything from erasers to mopeds. And it is a statistical fact that every Japanese female under the age of 50 has a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt 'cause the little guy is just so darn cute!

Move over guys, because Winnie is moving in on your turf. That's right. Christopher Robin and company are back:

Sluggish and portly Winnie-the-Pooh has ambled past Mickey and longtime domestic favorite, Hello Kitty, in Japan's $13 billion character-goods market, according to a recent "hit chart" marketing report.

"Pooh seems to fit Japan right now - he makes people feel at ease in troubled times," says Kazuo Rikukawa, director of Character Databank, which produces the hit chart. "With society so uncertain, people are looking to characters for comfort rather than inspiration. Pooh is perfect in that role."

Bush Wacky

I used to hang out around the San Francisco Fisherman's Wharf area quite a bit when I had the time, as there was always something going on over there. Street performers, jugglers, mimes—well, you could pass on the mimes, but you get the idea. One guy who's been working himself into the scene is the Bushman. His schtick works like this: He sets up a cane break made out of tree branches beside the walkway, and sits quietly on a milk crate. If you're not actually looking for him, you wouldn't even notice. Just looks like some shrubbery or trash and so you're walking along, chatting with your pals, and you make the mistake of walking past Bushman's little operation.

"UGGA BUGGA!" he screams, bursting to life and shaking a branch in your face. Assuming you haven't had a heart attack, at this point you are supposed to laugh self-deprecatingly and donate to Bushman's coffee pot of cash. Hey, it's a living, right?

Bushman freely admits there are times when his stunt backfires, sending his target into a rage. He says he has yet to be punched, but adds, "I've had some big ones come at me."

Help Wanted

Here's a classified ad that ran in my morning paper today:

ADMINISTRATIVE SECRETARY/RECEPTIONIST
Country Club seeking
sharp, professional, energetic
organized individual with strong skills
in office operations: written and verbal
communications, telephone etiquette,
word/spreadsheet processing.
Willing to work with a servant's
heart Mon.-Fri. 8-4; occasional Sat.
9-3. Drug screen required.
Apply in person to DCC
Human Resources, 200 S. Cherokee Ave.

We could probably tighten that up a bit for them, don't you think?

SLAVE WANTED

We'll pay ya peanuts, abuse the heck out of ya
and check your blood to be sure you aren't
one of those "weirdoes."

2:18:52 PM