The Raven

Thursday, October 17, 2002

Kung Fool Fighting

Sensitive, sensitive. That's my read on our Asian American activists who yesterday forced a San Diego costumemaker to pull their stock of crazed samurai masks.

Shown at left, the Kung Fool mask is now a collector's item, should you be so lucky and possessed of such inane taste as to own one. Gotta admit the thing is pretty awesome. Just what you need for that Halloween bash, or terrorizing the local 7-11 clerk.

The mask arose out a creative brainstorming process that included Asian Americans, company spokesman Chris Wahl said. "We'll take extra precautions in the future to be careful as much as possible not to offend anyone."

So they had some Asians in on the design team, hm? Well then they're off the hook as far as we can see. Hey, it's Halloween. Masks are supposed to be weird. But as David Palumbo-Liu, a professor at Stanford University points out, "It's not just poking fun. The mask furthers the idea of divisiveness." Why, I think the man is right, which explains why...

The Edvard Munch Anti-Defamation League is up in arms over this mask, which is insensitive to the objectives of Norweigian expressionism. Whereas mankind's fears and anxieties are the province of artistic exploration, their crass commercialization renders engagement of the critical heart meaningless.

WWMD?

Or, "What Would Martha Do?" Yeah, yeah, I know. The whole Martha Stewart/IM Clone thing has been done to death. We're not going into that directly. But the SF Chronicle is running an article on "How to Avoid an Insider Trading Bust" that bears a quick look. According to the writer, "everybody knows somebody" who might let a juicy tidbit slip in casual conversation.

If you buy or sell stock or other securities based on this information, you could get a call from a government investigator wondering what possessed you to make that trade.

Rule Number One: Shaddap. Talk to your attorney first. But let's ask ourselves in all honesty here: If you were at a party and a company president sidled up to you over wine and cheese and mentioned something about a new product hitting the market that was likely to shoot the company's stock through the roof, would you buy some of that stock? I sure would. That's how you make money in the stock game—using whatever edge you can get. Forget "information commonly known to all investors," because that won't buy you squat. You parlay every iota of data at your disposal and try to outguess the herd.

If the same president mentions to you that a stock you own is about to tank, would you sell it? You'd be a fool not to. Acting on a "hot tip" is no guarantee and you're still taking a risk. But it's nice to see Martha on the rotisserie anyway.

Hard Knoxville

Just a quick note on the upcoming Jackass movie. According to the story, it's going to feature "alligators, firecrackers, mousetraps, wasabi, tightropes, panda outfits, and—as usual—all manner of human excretion." Now, those clowns do a pretty good job with a low budget, so I can't wait to see what they do with $5 million. Bad taste? Sure. But when I hear that signature country-esque guitar riff, I stop channel flipping because a man in a shopping cart moving downhill at 30 MPH heading toward a curb is gripping entertainment. Here's Knoxville:

Knoxville sees "Jackass, the Movie" as a coda to the series and is unenthusiastic about the prospect of a sequel. "People become inured to the type of comedy we do after a time," Knoxville says. "We all want to quit before that happens."

Smarter than he looks.

Sorry, Kid

Noelle Bush was sentenced to 10 days in jail today for "violating the terms of her drug treatment program." Understandable. Her daddy's running for re-election and she became a liability. On an off-year, she would have walked but right now it would look bad so she gets to do a stretch in the Orlando Arms Hotel. As the judge put it:

"I want you to have some time to think and reflect on this," he said. "You should be disappointed that you let yourself down."

They won't be too rough on her, since considering that she's the niece of the President and daughter of the governor they're putting her into protective isolation with 24-hour surveillance.

4:54:50 PM

Social Darwinism

We just have time for two quickies this morning. More Raven this afternoon.

If you've scanned this morning's headlines, you'll see that the big story concerns North Korea's nuclear weapons program. Looks like it's curtains for the Axis of Evil, or peace. One or the other.

The Politics of Pain

Florida State Senator Mandy Dawson is passing up a real opportunity to do some good work. Seems that she got herself into a tight spot two weeks ago when she handed her pharmacist a prescription for Lorcet-10 tablets. Yes, she had been prescribed these by her doc for a chronic neck pain condition. Yes, she needs them. And yes, she did "accidently" doctor the prescription by jotting a little numeral "1" in front of the prescribed amount of 60.

"I have neither used any illegal drugs nor received legally prescribed medication fraudulently ... The medications that are prescribed for me are both legal and recognized by the medical community as wholly within treatment guidelines for the kind of severe pain that I continue to suffer."

This is all technically true. She never received the extra hundred tabs because she was busted when she tried to pick them up, at which time "Dawson denied she had altered the prescription and posted $2,500 bond." There's the problem. The War on Drugs has rolled downhill and now has a horrific impact on the terminally ill and chronically pain-afflicted Americans who desparately seek pain relief. Dawson could have used this opportunity to focus on the problem of doctors being cowed into under-prescribing pain medication by Federal drug war guidelines, but instead she's trying to weasel out of it. Bad show, Senator. We feel your pain, but you need to feel ours, too.

Dare to Be Dumb

The problem with science is that it's so... scientific. All those pesky facts and things really irritate some people. People like those on Ohio's 17-member school board, who voted unanimously yesterday to "teach the controversy" regarding Darwinian evolution in life sciences classes. The board came under pressure from a wacky creationist group called "Science Excellence for All Ohioans," and they caved in like a car saleman's conscience.

In the first of the two changes, the definition of science has been broadened to "a systematic method of continuing investigation" of nature. It replaced the previous contention that science is limited to "natural explanations," which, according to some, rules out any concept of a Creator.

The second part concerns highlighting the "debate" among scientists regarding the efficacy of evolutionary theory. Both of these positions will leave Ohio's school children at a disadvantage if they choose to pursue careers in science because they'll have to circumnavigate this theological roadblock later on anyway. Poor kids are pawns in a game.

9:06:16 AM