Last night I went out to the garage to get some things out of the Ravenmobile and as I was heading back into the house I heard something rustling in the corner. I'm familiar with the sounds of things that occasionally get in there, like birds, insects, this wasn't like that. This was big. It was moving things around.

Turning on the light, I discovered this guy wedged in behind some framing and the electric door-opening sensor. About the size of a juvenile housecat, the opossum did not flee or show alarm, nor did he make a break for the open door. Instead, he stared me down. Now, you don't need to make a formal study of urban ecology to understand that nature's denizens compete with us directly from time to time. They want food, they want shelter, and sometimes they decide to take some of ours. That's when it gets personal, and the marsupial changes from a Hallmark cuddle into a class-A "varmint."

Ever-resourceful, the Ravenatrix jumped online to look for handling tips whilst your narrator elected to attempt a forcible expulsion of the critter. First I tried the old "poke-him-with-a-rake-handle" gambit. This bought me a dirty look but no possum action. I tried another tool, a three-tined spade which sort of wrapped around his little body like a hand and I tugged gently. A wriggly little fellow, he eluded the prongs and took up position in the corner again. At this point common sense took over, you know, the part that says "they're most dangerous when they're cornered," and I had no desire to look like the Zappa album cover from Weasels Tore My Flesh, so I made a careful retreat into the house and closed the door.

Meanwhile, the Ravenatrix had discovered a link to the Opossum Society of the United States, which has all sorts of useful information, including this page titled, "There is an opossum in my house or garage. What do I do?" (Gotta love the Net.) Along with suggestions for trapping and luring the interloper outside, there was this injunction:

Do not try to push the opossum with a broom. The frightened animal will freeze and not move.

Following the OSUS suggestions, I laid a trail of cat chow from the bench to the door and left the door open for several hours, but at this point I do not know if he has vacated the premises or not. I think not, as this evening the food was still in place and so, I suspect, he's still in there somewhere. Silent and brooding, hungry and evil. When will he take a run at me? When will he make his move?

6:34:40 PM       

Disneyland has always been a metaphor for subsuming the rights of adults beneath those of children. There is no "edge" to Disneyland, where all things are brightly colored, soft, and made of vinyl. Fun for the whole family—unless one of the family members wants to knock back a pint of bourbon and oogle Snow White's cleavage. Now the knives are being sharpened amid mounting criticism of Disney's shooting galleries and toy muskets, which have long been staples at the Magic Kingdom.

"It just seems a complete contradiction to be selling toy guns at a time when security searches are trying to detect concealed weapons and explosives that may be about to be used by terrorists," said Les Wright, a tourist from Oldham, England.

This morning's Orlando Sentinel has a follow-up story on this matter and notes that Das Spassmacher has always walked a fine line:

Walt Disney Co. has always struggled to strike a balance between fantasy and political reality. Guns, the treatment of animals, racial and gender stereotypes—all have prompted the tourism giant to tweak attractions over the years.

I Want to Fly Away

As an admitted Mac fanatic and Microsoft critic, I can't claim to be unbiased, but am I the only person who finds Microsoft's MSN 8 "Butterfly Man" logo to be weird and frightening? Look at it. The damned thing is the monster that once inhabited my bedroom closet. Evil and insectile, you wonder to yourself, "On what does this chitonous predator feed?" Its antennae sniff out traces of originality and competitiveness which the demon obediently ferries back to the mother-nest for the lawyerbrood to digest and consume. The ichthyian lower appendages are firmly rooted in hidden black code known only to Redmond plannerlarvae, and the multihued wings beat a miasmic cloud of noxious script that sees all, knows all, cataloging the contents of your hard drive for later inspection at the hive...

The Gordian Knot

Yesterday in Kendall, Florida, the Dave & Mary Alper Jewish Community Center held an event for kids called Common Threads, which could have been fun but instead turned an hour of storytelling into a multicultural mishmash of mixed messages.

"I learned that a lot of people can seem the same and different at the same time," said Noah Spiner, 7.

"It's important that we teach diversity and not tolerance."

Deep Blue

The British have taken the lead in computer security according to this story in today's International Herald Tribune. The problem is the large number of threats facing today's corporations, most of which have become totally dependent on the security of large network servers. The answer? Overkill.

Companies in media, finance, telecommunications and biotechnology have placed their servers in hermetically sealed environments, protected by pressurized air locks, sophisticated electronic detection systems, steel doors with a thickness of about 45 centimeters (18 inches), security personnel and barbed wire.

"Diversity, I think, is a much more relevant kind of protection, even for sensitive industries. Two good data centers, more than 75 kilometers apart, are a lot more 'bulletproof' than any bunker."

11:03:54 AM