Can't tell you how happy I am to see that Mickey D's is in a contraction mode. The fewer Golden Arches around the better. What's wrong with Ray Kroc's franchise? Everything. Visually, each "restaurant" devastates its surrounding landscape. Inside, nearly everything is made of plastic and that, combined with the plastic tray, styrofoam, and plastic packets and utensils with which the "food" is served further seperates the diner from the experience of eating.

About the best thing any of us could do is hurl a brick through the window of the branch closest to home and then follow it with a molotov cocktail. We've only touched on how the McDonald's experience brutalizes the customer, but what it does to the employee is much worse. The industrial hell of the workplace dehumanizes its flesh-and-blood components to the extent that they become liabilities: the sooner automated and extirpated the better.

As a dining ritual, Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal exposes what's wrong with nearly all forms of franchised food, and with respect to McDonald's, "Eater beware: forget your concerns about cholesterol, there is—literally—feces in your meat." And it's worse. The chemical additives in McBurgers trigger serotonin release that eventually addicts the consumer to the product.

Slow growth and sluggish earnings in 2002 forced McDonald's on Friday to announce that 175 restaurants were set to close worldwide and as many as 600 jobs would be cut.

One ad placed in Femme Actuelle in April quoted a nutritionist who said, "there's no reason to abuse fast food, or visit McDonald's more than once a week."

"The vast majority of nutrition professionals say that McDonald's food can be and is a part of a healthy diet based on the sound nutrition principles of balance, variety and moderation."

Maybe We're Right

When I saw that the U.S. has just backed out of an international treaty on torture I braced myself for the worst. Turns out we're probably in the right. Whereas the UN's Social, Humanitarian and Cultural Committee "passed the draft treaty by 104 vote to 8 with 37 abstentions," the measure isn't likely to have any impact whatsoever on regimes that practice torture. On the other hand, the U.S. has been working on a protocol with teeth, which the UN kiboshed.

State Department spokesman Richard Boucher said the US abhorred "the despicable practice of torture" but considered the new treaty ill-advised as it gave advance notice of inspections to suspected states.

7:46:57 PM       

We found a whole bunch of weird stuff today that reflects the diverse interests of... OK, we're just too lazy to figure it out. Maybe you'll have better luck than we did.

Larger Than Actual Size, Nationwide, Believe

Remember those 1,500-year-old Bamiyan Buddhas that the Taliban destroyed? Now there's a fight going on over their reconstruction. On the one side, you have UNESCO specialists in "anastylosis," or 3-D photo recreation and modeling who want to salvage the rubble and restore the Buddhas. On the other side are the Afghans themselves, who want to put up plastic replicas. We hope UNESCO wins this one.

Move Over, Belafonte

That's right, another influential pundit has jumped on the "disswagon" aimed at discrediting Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice. Florida's Neil Rogers, who has the 15th most-popular radio talkshow, has been coming on pretty strong with a parody song that includes these lyrics:

"Is you their black-haired answer-mammy who be smart?"
"Does they like how you shine their shoes, Condoleezza? Or the way you wash and park the whitey's cars?"

Y'know, this guy sounds like more fun than Howard Stern.

A Rant, If You Will

During some abject wanderings yesterday, I ran across this on a techie Webpage: "Imagine, if you will, a nano-network on a chip."

I realized that every time I hear that embedded "if you will," my inclination is to respond with, "No, I won't." This isn't the only phrase that raises my linguistic hackles, either. "All things being equal" is another. What the hell does that mean, anyway? Here's an example from a gemological site:

Just wondering, if all things were equal which would be better/worth more - F VVS1 or E VVS2? 

He's the Expert

I'll be amazed if I scoop Emphasis Added on this one, but over in Lantana, Florida, James F. Welles, the "61-year-old author" of The Story of Stupidity and Understanding Stupidity has been arrested for attempting an Internet-arranged sexcapade with a 15-year-old girl. Naturally, the lil' darlin' was neither a girl nor a teenager. But he did have a badge. The funny thing here is that Welles was apparently worried about a sting operation but went through with the meet anyway. We can't wait for his next book, The Story of Protective Custody.

Children's Lit

If you have kids who like to read, chances are they're bonkers over Harry Potter. Here's a story from the CS Monitor that says the little wizard's days are numbered. The author gives some plausible reasons for this, including the two-year wait for the latest installment, and notes dampened enthusiasm for the upcoming film:

"I'll go see it, I guess," says eighth-grader Spencer Brown, "but I didn't think the kids could act very well."

Nesbit's most famous work was arguably The Phoenix and the Carpet, and as I recall, the writing was intelligent and thoughtful. Here's an example from the first chapter:

'I wish they taught magic at school,' Jane sighed. 'I believe if we could do a little magic it might make something happen.'

'I wonder how you begin?' Robert looked round the room, but he got no ideas from the faded green curtains, or the drab Venetian blinds, or the worn brown oil-cloth on the floor. Even the new carpet suggested nothing, though its pattern was a very wonderful one, and always seemed as though it were just going to make you think of something.

'I could begin right enough,' said Anthea; 'I've read lots about it. But I believe it's wrong in the Bible.'

'It's only wrong in the Bible because people wanted to hurt other people. I don't see how things can be wrong unless they hurt somebody, and we don't want to hurt anybody; and what's more, we jolly well couldn't if we tried. Let's get the Ingoldsby Legends. There's a thing about Abra-cadabra there,' said Cyril, yawning. 'We may as well play at magic. Let's be Knights Templars. They were awfully gone on magic. They used to work spells or something with a goat and a goose. Father says so.'

12:08:50 PM