The Raven

Thursday, November 21, 2002

Strange Vintages

This year's Beaujolais Nouveau isn't worth running after, according to negative reviews surfacing that hint darkly at "rain-battered," "damaged," and "unripe" grapes. Some harvests were even "rotten," leading to a Nouveau that, lacking fruit in the palate, has no raison d'etre. This doesn't stop some people, however:

The Beaujolais association says 58 million bottles of nouveau were sold last year—half of them overseas. Japan was the leading export market, taking 7.2 million bottles.

I had a chance to witness Japan's love affair with the upstart vintage at close range, and it is quite a spectacle. People line up at department stores and liquor shops to get their hands on the first bottles of the year. Due to the strict release date enforced by the French wine control board and Japan's location east of France, the Japanese get to open their bottles before the French do. Word is that if you pick up a bottle this year, "you should let it age 6 months." But doesn't that defeat the whole idea?

The Captured Pawn

And now for something that doesn't improve with age: Bobby Fischer. The Atlantic Monthly's current issue has the complete story on Fischer's disturbing and bizarre descent into madness and paranoid delusions.

Back when I used to play chess avidly, I remember studying Fischer's games and even if you don't play there's no denying that he was the only American player to become a chess celebrity. His Cold War triumph over Spassky led to a resurgence of interest in chess and due to his Tiger Woods-like influence, he forced promoters to ante up multi-million dollar purses for key matches.

Then, at the top of the chess world, Fischer inexplicably disappeared, taking the public's new-found fascination with the game with him. Strange rumors of the wunderkind surfaced from time to time—he'd joined a cult, he was being controlled by a mysterious woman, he was a Howard Hughes-like recluse living on vitamins. The Atlantic story tracks him all the way to where he now lives in Japan, raving, howling, and gibbering in fear of a Zionist-Soviet conspiracy. It's almost unbelievable, until you listen to him. For example, here's Fischer gloating immediately after the September 11 attacks:

"Praise God, halleluja, this is a wonderful day, fuck the United States, cry you cry-babies, whine you bastards, now your time is coming!"

You can hear the talk show host cringing and wishing he was anywhere but talking to Bobby. [mefi]

Why Is That? Dept.

Something's been bothering me for a long time: Ever since I started using ATM machines 20 years ago, not one of them has ever kicked out an extra $20 at me. Perfect every damn time—even with brand-new bills—there's never an extra Jackson riding sidecar. They never make this mistake. You'd think they could build that kind of precision into other useful products like pacemakers, space shuttles, automatic transmissions. Nope, and people die. But with that ATM machine deal, they got it right the first time. Who the hell designed those things?

Only Skin Deep

Everywhere I look, I've been running across this story about Nigerians rioting over the Miss World pageant. As it happens, there are a lot of Nigerian muslims who've been protesting the Miss World pageant being held in their country, so the local Nigerian paper ThisDay ran a story in defense of the contest. The inflammatory statement in question was something along the lines of, "Why, these women are so beautiful, the prophet Muhammed might have found a bride among them." This had the following effect:

More than 50 people were stabbed, bludgeoned or burned to death and 200 were seriously injured...at least four churches were destroyed.
Shehu Sani of the Civil Rights Congress said he watched a crowd stab one young man, then force a tire filled with gasoline around his neck and burn him alive.
Alsa Hassan, founder of another human rights group, said he saw a commuter being dragged out of his car and beaten to death by protesters.
Others were heard chanting, "Down with beauty" and "Miss World is sin."
Hundreds of police and soldiers were deployed to restore calm.

Another aspect to the pageant is that it's been focusing a lot of attention on Nigeria, where Amina Lawal Piques was due to be stoned to death for adultery. This led to the Nigerian Foreign Minister releasing a weird and rambling statement on the Miss World homepage, which includes this observation:

The International Community is invited to note that Nigerians are peace loving people known for their fraternal felicitations.

OK, pal. Duly noted. Considering that the pageant has now been postponed until after Ramadan (at the very least) something tells me this is the last time Miss World will be held in an Islamic country.

3:54:10 PM

The Big Squeeze

Our unbridled optimism leads us to find all kinds of ways to "hit the jackpot" in our society. Even if you're a loser, sometimes there's an edge—you just need to find it. Having a good lawyer helps.

Breaking the Bank

A San Jose man, Al Feizi, has filed a class-action suit against two SF Penninsula casinos claiming that they violated his rights by requiring him to speak English at their gaming tables. Feizi says that as a Persian, he should be able to speak Farsi if wants. The casinos explain their position this way:

"It prevents collusion at the poker table," said Tiffany Rystrom, an attorney for Lucky Chances. "If you're speaking another language that cannot be understood by the dealer or the other people at the table, you could be sending signals."

Makes sense here. But Feizi's shyster, Melvyn Segal, doesn't see it that way, "It's not necessary to have such a rule, and it wouldn't prevent cheating anyway," he said. We put the odds for Feizi at 10-to-1 against.

There's Gold in Them Thar Arches

You've been hearing all about the on-going lawsuit against Micky D's filed on behalf of New York's obese children. The lawyer pressing the case attributes McDonald's nutritious offerings to be the cause of all the little fatsos who suffer from diabetes and high blood pressure, too. You've also read a lot of punditry on this subject, because it seems obvious that the young chow-hounds must be cramming their globby yatsos full of Pringles, Ho-Hos, and Hagen Daaz scoops, too, right? So the defense argues that this suit is "frivolous," but get this:

"It's a serious lawsuit with serious issues," countered lawyer Samuel Hirsch, who represents the plaintiffs, including one Bronx teen who ate at McDonald's every breakfast, lunch and dinner for three years while living in a homeless shelter.

We'd like to know how and why someone at a homeless shelter could afford to do that, and why they had no other options. But dang, these lawyers are good, aren't they?

More Raven this afternoon.

9:10:44 AM