It's just about the cheapest thing you can give someone: your attention. It doesn't cost much, you just flip the channel, or turn the page, or turn your head to give it to them. In the finale of the Stallone move Cobra, the bad guy tells Sylvester, "I want your eyes—pig!" Sometimes it seems they're that desparate.

So Where Was He Looking?

We're talking about Paul Reubens here, better known as Pee-Wee Herman. He's in big trouble as his trial moves ahead and he'll be scrambling to defend himself from kiddie-porn possession charges.

Last November, police swarmed all over his Hollywood home looking for evidence in an unrelated "pornography probe" and they hauled off a carload of vintage erotica. Courteney Cox and her husband David Arquette have seen Reubens's collection and call it "harmless" and "kitschy," but we're in the Year of the Crackdown and prosecuters are playing hardball. The item in question appears to be a widely disseminated 1988 videotape of Rob Lowe frolicking with an "underage girl." There may be other material, though, according to City Attorney's Office spokesdude Matt Littman:

He said the prosecutors' case does not rest on the Rob Lowe footage but on sexually explicit images of juveniles found in two other videos and in dozens of photographs found at Reubens' house. "The photographs are of children depicted in a sexual manner. If you see the pictures, I'm sure that you will understand why these charges were filed."

Worst-Case Scenario

Sometimes, it's not getting your attention that's the problem.

Steve Case, the former CEO of AOL Time Warner, is stepping down amid calls for his head. This man botched what should have been a slam-dunk road to riches that combined two of the largest media companies on earth. Instead, Case preferred to look at PowerPoint presentations and make speeches at Rotary Club luncheons while the enterprise tanked. What has this ineffectual bozo accomplished during his tenure? Let's see...AOL 8.0: A bloated piece of garbage nobody in their right mind would infect his computer with. I overheard some people talking about this the other day at my school, and one gal was saying, "What's in that damned program? It put stuff all over my hard drive and I just want it out!" Which is how the board seems to feel about Case.

Mr. Case acknowledged in an interview that he was unhappy to be leaving."If nobody had raised any concerns and there wasn't speculation and distraction over whether or not I would continue to serve as chairman, I would prefer being chairman," Mr. Case said. "I would love to remain as chairman."

Who's Looking Where?

That's the question behind a riveting focus piece on the pornography industry at the LA Times this morning.

The journalist, P.J. Huffstutter, points out that the American Humane Association pays more attention to the treatment of insects in movies than anyone seems to care about the health of workers in the "Triple-X" film world. In most cases, the "actors" have to fight to ensure their co-stars are HIV-free and using some form of prophylactic protection—and most of them don't. The photo at left is of a former actress named Anne Marie Ballowe, who found herself used up and destroyed by the porn machine.

Legal and medical records show she walked away from the business in 1998 with chlamydia, which could make her sterile; cytomegalovirus, which could eventually make her blind; hepatitis C, which has damaged her liver; and HIV, which could cause AIDS and probably kill her. According to medical records, her liver is too damaged—in part because of the hepatitis—to allow her to take the anti-viral drugs that could delay the onset of AIDS.

When Baby Showers Go Bad

Couldn't believe this one. As a baby shower in New York's Roslyn Heights district was winding up, a couple of attendees walking home got into a mild verbal dispute. Somebody overheard it and called the cops. Things kinda got out of hand.

Residents said the incident started with a simple verbal argument between a man and a woman as the shower ended about 7:30 p.m. Saturday. It ended amid clouds of pepper spray after about 50 police officers from four precincts, including mounted police, highway patrol officers, a helicopter and Nassau's Bureau of Special Operations, mobilized when a police sergeant called in to report a riot.

Take My Wife, Please

That's what writer Steve Young wanted you to do when he put his entire family up for sale on E-Bay. Asking price: $5 million. So what do you get for that kind of cash?

Young said the auction winner would receive a lifetime of platonic companionship, including invitations to family outings and holiday gatherings as well as tips on writing, gardening and cooking.

10:29:05 AM