It's easy to get all worked up when you discover that researchers have been conducting a multi-million dollar study to discover whether people enjoy petting kittens. "Well of course they do," you think, and you wonder why somebody gets to haul in $90,000 a year to prove what we already know when you're only getting $8.23 an hour to make a toolbar work for a software program that will cure cancer and make Microsoft Word exchange data with PhotoShop.

So we weren't impressed to hear that Mark Pereira of Boston's Children's Hospital has announced at a meeting of the American Heart Association that "eating fast food and sitting hours on end in front of the TV are really terrible for the waistline." Wow. And here we thought that was the road to six-pack abs.

Or how about Julie Menke and her 13-month-old daughter, Shannon, who were touring the Florida Aquarium and paused at the 5,000-gallon shark and stingray petting tank for some cross-species interaction?

Menke said she and her daughter had their hands in the water, hoping to pet a small approaching shark that a woman monitoring the tank said was friendly.

That's when another passing shark whipped around and bit her hand.

Signs of Life

We apologize for the gloom and doom we posted last night. We'll make up for it by noticing that conservative groups are joining forces with thinking people to denounce Patriot II. Here's Christopher Pyle, a former U.S. Army intelligence officer who served on a Senate committee studying government intelligence gathering:

"I don't think the Fourth Amendment exists anymore. I think it's been buried by the Patriot Act and some of the court rulings that have been handed down. We need a requiem mass for the Fourth Amendment, because it's gone."

The Return of the Quality Tour

I know I shouldn't do this, but it's just so much fun. You might remember that last year Mark at Fried Green al-Qaedas used to run a regular feature called Your Salon Blog Tour of Quality, and I think it's time to exhume the concept. For one thing, we all like to read about ourselves. And y'know, every now and then I think you might like to hear something from us that's "nice and easy." But there's just one thing—you see, we never ever do nothing nice and easy. We always do it nice and rough. So we're gonna take the beginning of the blog tour and do it easy. Then we're gonna do the finish rough. This is the way we do Your Salon Blog Tour of Quality.

First, a few newcomers.

By now I'm sure you've checked out Julia's Why Your Wife Won't Have Sex With You, which promises to explain both that "and other subjects of equally earth-shattering importance." Well so far, what we've got is a good premise. Julia, you've got a few days to explain the unexplainable and we'll be watching.

Cor, it's Dick Jones' Patteran Pages. Says that a "patteran" is a pattern with an extra syllable in it, unlike his prose, which is crisp and lean. He says he "feels like a stranger" around here, because of all the inbred backslapping and knowing winks the regulars are prone to. Dick, you don't know the half of it, and when you ask "Am I the only Brit in the territory..?" the silence tells you something. But you are in the company of Anglophiles and we could use some insight from your side of the pond.

Looking like The Legend of Secret O'Shamrock might be going places. Shammy here likes to surf. A lot. And Shammy seems to be a specialist in a particular type of blogging that, while common in blogland, is virtually unknown at Salonblogs. There's a hint in there, by the way.

I might be inclined to say that Rose of Charon is guerilla spirituality that thinks it's a gonzo blog. Please, blog-gods, let this one survive.

We're hoping to see a bit more from Alec at Retail Hell and Political Purgatory. Thus far, we have learned that he's 27, works at "the local drugstore" where he's a supervisor, and aspires to bigger and better things. Alec, if you're spending time here, the prognosis is bleak. However, we love to hear about the strange and odd things that occur behind the counter, because of all the looney stuff that tends to come through the door. Keep us posted.

Fingers are crossed here for Kim DeRogatis' Radio Weblog, which begins: "Good evening from the Windy City. Divorce sucks. In times of war. . .it sucks even more." If this were a novel, I would be inclined to buy it on the strength of that intro alone. More of this, s'il vous plait.

I've already mentioned theBachWorker, but he's worth another cite because he's one of our more intellectual blogistas, and looks capable of holding his own in a diablogue. An infrequent contributer, he's worth the click when he posts.

Looks like we're saying sayonara to Jimmy T, who's announced that Jimmy T's Joint has moved to its own domain and migrated to MT. And he had blog number 2000, too. Sigh. He did prove something, however, in that each writer needs to find a unique voice that differentiates his or her blog from the pack. More of the same doth not a loyal fan base make.

And all we can say about the annoying white angry middle aged balding man is that at least one of those adjectives appears to be spot-on. From his by-line: "If your an adult and think that George Will is NOT obfuscatiously pedanticalogical leave now." Actually, I'm an adult who doesn't have time to parse childish typos. Spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck.

Moving on to the "establishment," as it were, be sure to visit the Fox at No Code, who's been on fire as he puts us in the driver's seat while he's intubating, cracking chests, and defibrillating his way into heaven or hell—taking us to both places in sharp prose that's really some of the best writing on the Net.

You can't classify Paul Hinrich's Playing with my food, and other things as a "food blog" exactly, because it isn't really about food except in the sense that food is fundamental to life. You could classify it as "excellent," however, and you'd be right.

Remember Escape from New York? Every time Kurt Russell shows up, people say to him, "I thought you were dead." That's the treatment both Charly Z at Driver 8 and Andrew at Andrew Bayer Is Dreaming of China are getting. Glad to have them back, even if it's pro tem.

Catnmus, the Raving Independent manages to write engaging political commentary, unlike so many others who don't, and she's been firing on all cylinders lately. Give 'em hell, Cat.

Also, a special mention goes out to Dave Pollard's How to Save the World, who gets credit for noticing what I'm going to coin as "Pollard's Law of Weblog Design," which states that with regard to Weblogs "there is an inverse correlation between physical attractiveness and quality of content."

That's important, because competition for readers is only going to get more severe—and it's no cakewalk now as it is. Jan at Secular Blasphemy picked up on a CNN story about blogs going mainstream, and I spotted one by the Associated Press covering the same ground, and containing this brilliancy:

"It's a phenomenon that's not on the mainstream radar quite yet, but it will be in six months."

3:21:38 PM