It's just human nature to pay attention to what's going on around us. Our interest in news and stories about other people is rooted in the raw calculus of survival: "What freight train of evil is barreling down the tracks at me?" you wonder, looking for a chance to jump sideways at the last second.

This isn't obsession with trivia, it isn't voyeurism, it's the crafty lizard that's kept you alive this long, and it's a fast learner. Turns out that all kinds of things are going on today—the bitstream is running rich and painting the walls of our informational citidel with urgent graffiti: Yes! reads one, and "Now!" reads another. Stay sharp.

The Naked and the Dead

Here's a thought experiment for you: You're an Army officer, and your mission is to guard a park in downtown Baghdad being used for the storage of light weapons—pistols, AK-47s, piles of these things left over from the fighting—and locals have been slipping in to steal 'em. Then you catch four would-be thieves in the act. Now what do you do?

If you're First Lieutenant Eric Canaday, you strip the Iraqis naked, burn their clothes, write "Ali Baba. Haram" on their chests in Arabic, and parade these jokers around to humiliate them in front of a jeering public.

This story's been kept under wraps in the Western press, but Line Fransson of the Oslo-based Dagbladet news got the scoop. They've got more photos at their site, too, but what you see here gives you a good idea. The UK Daily Mirror describes the scene:

The US soldiers were seen chasing the Iraqi men shouting "Ali Baba, Ali Baba". All four ran as fast as they could to hide their nakedness, according to onlookers.

"If these pictures are accurate, this is an appalling way to treat prisoners. Such degrading treatment is a clear violation of the responsibilities of the occupying powers."

Maybe we should try this in the States.

The Hunter and the Hunted

This just in: Journalist Hunter S. Thompson marries longtime assistant in ceremony in Aspen, Colo. Here's the happy couple.

Thompson, 66, wed Anita Beymuk, 30, in the Aspen city clerk's office April 24. Being a Doctor of Journalism, Thompson wrote a column describing the event for ESPN, in which he says the marriage was conducted "with fine style and secrecy."

"Our honeymoon was even simpler," he wrote. "We drank heavily for a few hours...and accepted fine gifts from strangers, then we drove erratically back out to the Owl Farm."

There, he added, the couple celebrated privately by "building a huge fire, icing down a magnum of Crystal Champagne and turning on the Lakers-Timberwolves game until we passed out and crawled to the bedroom."

They Call Him the Rapper

That would be Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, better known as "Comical Ali," who's going to be spinning things again, this time with his own rap song headed for the British charts.

Samples of the Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf's most famous statements have been mixed by rap producer Alton Edwards. He said: "It's set to be massive. There's already been a lot of interest. It'll be quite similar to Paul Hardcastle's 19, which was about the Vietnam War, and will go down a storm in the clubs."

Of Vice and Virtue

I try not to play the "gotcha" game, because it usually comes across as holier-than-thou cynicism, and it makes everybody feel bad. But I couldn't pass up this report that William Bennett, author of The Book of Virtues and one of the most severe moralizing critics of Bill Clinton, has a serious gambling problem.

Newsweek magazine reports the conservative-values guru has dropped as much as $8 million—profits from books and speeches bemoaning the decline of personal responsibility—into high-stakes slot machines over the last decade.

It's in the Bag

Your purchases, that is. The Wall Street Journal has an absolutely fascinating look this morning at the lost art of bagging groceries. The story focuses on the skills of pro cashier Dawn Marshall:

Last year, she won a National Grocers Association contest, held annually for 17 years, as the best bagger in America, based on speed, bag-building technique, weight distribution of bags, style and attitude. Her prize: $2,000 and a trophy, a ceramic paper bag that sits in a china cabinet she bought to hold it.

• Check caps on cleansing products.
  
• Use both hands to move faster.
  
• Fill bags to maximize profit from the sale.
  
• Don't put glass jars or bottles right next to each other.
  
• Give hot deli items special attention.
  
• Put wet items in separate bags.
  
• Match the weight of the bags to the customer who is going to have to lift them.
  

1:14:39 PM