Driving Etiquette 8/26/02

Every BMW ships with a gem of an owner's manual. Reading it inspires you to be a Master Motorist. "Before starting your BMW, walk around the vehicle and inspect it to ensure that all is in order. Take note of any obstructions outside the vehicle and use this time to prepare yourself for driving."

You aren't just going down to the 7-11 for a six-pack of Mountain Dew, you're embarking on a grand adventure! Somewhere under "Driving Tips," there's a squib about, "Your BMW has high-performance characteristics, but it is better not to engage them. Cultivate a 'you first' attitude." Apparently, most owners never get to that part, they're just so damn eager to get behind the wheel and engage in those high-end antics. But back when The Raven used to drive a beamer, we studied that manual, and we learned.

Today, the Ravenmobile is an MRII Spyder - an "open roadster," and even though all that nifty performance is available to the driver, I wouldn't use it. I've sincerely adopted that "you first" mentality, and if you meet me on the road, I'll be the one to allow you ahead with a cheery wave of the hand and a tip of the hat. "Safe motoring to you, fellow driver. Godspeed."

Well, to be honest, I usually adopt a gentle and kind vehicular mien but I do make exceptions when another driver has committed a Crime of the Road. In such cases, well, seeing as I do have all that potential performance available, I consider it my public duty and civic obligation to teach the miscreant a "lesson." I don't do this frequently, nor without good cause. Only a severe breach of roadway etiquette earns an impromptu comeuppance from the Blackbird, such as:

One of your tail lights is out

I didn't like the way you changed lanes

You came up behind me too fast

Your bumper sticker is in poor taste

I suspect you think you're "all that"

You made me apply the brakes

Tailgating (me or anybody else)

Talking on your cell phone

Over-exuberance on your part

Talking to anyone else in your vehicle

Arm dangling outside the window

Obstructing my view of the road

The Raven's "educational program" for poor drivers comes in several modules appropriate for all learning styles. There's the ever-popular "How do you like being cut off?" and of course, "Now that I'm in front, I'm in no hurry." American Sign Language is included with every lesson.

Happy motoring!