Bend Over Rush, and Let Annie Take Over
This is a tale of two pundits. Three if you count Hannity. But nobody counts Hannity.
So the other night I absolutely had to watch the Hannity and Milquetoast show, there was no other option. It was a special Twofer Tuesday, two maniacs for the cost of one, three if you count Hannity, although no one really counts Hannity. Not only did we get to hear Pat Robertson talking about God’s election day predictions (predictions or predestinations? It’s the old free will question all over again.), but we got to see my little cactus flower, former bass player for Deep Purple and political pundit, Ann ‘The Man’ Coulter.
I’ve got to give Coulter credit, even though the guy on the show who’s not Hannity says she was ‘mean’. (Ohh, that really stings.) Amidst giggles and glee, Coulter launched an absolutely brutal attack on John Kerry, becoming the first NeoCon to use the meme ‘Would You Want a Kept Man for President’. It was particularly effective because not only did it adhere to a cynical interpretation of actual facts, it was also an argument that could only be used effectively by a woman. (What Ann calls the ‘Chattering Class’.) She followed up the next day with a column entitled ‘Just a Gigolo’, portions of which follow.
…For over 30 years, Kerry's primary occupation has been stalking lonely heiresses. Not to get back to his combat experience, but Kerry sees a room full of wealthy widows as "a target-rich environment." This is a guy whose experience dealing with tax problems is based on spending his entire adult life being supported by rich women. What does a kept man know about taxes?
In 1970, Kerry married into the family of Julia Thorne -- a family estimated to be worth about $300 million. She got depressed, so he promptly left her and was soon seen catting around with Hollywood starlets, mostly while the cad was still married. (Apparently, JFK really was his mentor.) Thorne is well-bred enough to say nothing ill of her Lothario ex-husband. He is, after all, the father of her children -- a fact that never seemed to constrain him.
When Kerry was about to become the latest Heinz family charity, he sought to have his marriage to Thorne annulled, despite the fact that it had produced two children. It seems his second meal ticket, Teresa Heinz, wanted the first marriage annulled -- and Heinz is worth more than $700 million. Kerry claims he will stand up to powerful interests, but he can't even stand up to his wife.
…The Democrats' joy at nominating Kerry is perplexing. To be sure, liberals take a peculiar, wrathful pleasure in supporting pacifist military types. And Kerry's life story is not without a certain feral aggression. But if we're going to determine fitness for office based on life experience, Kerry clearly has no experience dealing with problems of typical Americans since he is a cad and a gigolo living in the lap of other men's money.
Kerry is like some character in a Balzac novel, an adventurer twirling the end of his mustache and preying on rich women. This low-born poseur with his threadbare pseudo-Brahmin family bought a political career with one rich woman's money, dumped her, and made off with another heiress to enable him to run for president. If Democrats want to talk about middle-class tax cuts, couldn't they nominate someone who hasn't been a poodle to rich women for past 33 years?
What a vicious vulgar woman, wouldn’t you agree? Coulter definitely seems to be the kind of girl who would be more comfortable with horses than with people. And under the reign of King George, it would appear that being a classist pig is cool again for the first time in my many years: Thorne is ‘well-bred’, Kerry is ‘low-born. Beyond any sense of decorum, but once again I gotta say, not beyond a certain twisted logic and reliance on what are indisputable facts.
And let me reiterate a previous point – this is an implicitly feminine argument. No man, no real man would make this case, whether they believed it or not. No matter how effective of a smear it might be. Hannity instinctively knew this, and for once in his sorry life resisted piling on.
This is Ann Coulter, folks, and from her we can expect no better. But just where exactly does this leave our favorite pill-popper Rush ‘I’ll only do it till I go deaf’ Limbaugh. He follows up the next day with his me-too column, ‘John F Kerry – Out of Touch Millionaire Gigolo’.
Limbaugh, who has taken to calling the candidate John F*ing Kerry, starts out thusly: “Not only are Democrats hypocrites for encouraging poverty to make poor people dependent, but Kerry defines privilege! He's the richest man in the Senate!” The totality of the rest of his piece is quotes from the Coulter piece. This is his way of saying what Ann says without having it attributed to him. That way he can avoid being called a little bitch by people like me. Cause I would. I’d call him a little bitch in a second if he were to say something like that. But you know, Rush, you ain’t worth it. |
