Sunday, February 22, 2004

Accept reality. Virtual Occoquan #51 The Ayn Rand Memorial Barbecue. Now on-line. 7:39:31 PM    comment []

The following is a teaser for tonights edition of Virtual Occoquan. In the interest of good taste, we will be printing a more tasteful piece by Mister Raker, which will still contain elements of humor.    This Just In - Steve Raker WASHINGTON D.C. -  CIA Director George Tenet was caught by a surveillance camera early Monday afternoon, stealing President Bush's bicycle and pushing the president into a mud puddle.  Later in the day Tenet was seen riding the Presidential bike in the CIA building, while wearing a do-rag style hat fashioned from the panties of Jenna and Barbara.  The twins were chasing him down the hallway, buck naked and screaming, "No pants Monday!"  All three appeared to be intoxicated.    President Bush was again pressed with the question of whether Tenet's job was in jeopardy.  "No, not at all, not at all.  Since I'm 'The War President', I let him borrow my bike and then I pretended to trip and fall, as a joke.  And the twins told me they were doin' Bible study all day and CIA Director Tenet confirmed that.    You remember 9/11 don't you?  That changed everything. I'm 'The War President' and CIA Director Tenet is a fine man doing a fine job in a tough arena; his job is secure.  Would you like it better if Saddam were still in power, huh, would ya?  I thought not."       2:01:03 PM    comment []

President Mugabe is still insane, but at least his health is starting to go down hill. The Zimbabwe dictator has been suffering from chest pains since visiting a tobacco farm in Musanhu, Bindura. This has probably spoiled the news that he has jumped up the charts to Number 5 in Parade Magazines list of the worlds worst dictators. Naturally, I surfed right over to the excellent New Zimbabwe website NewZimbabwe.com to get there reaction. The bad news is they are off line... I can't find a darn thing about this on the web, so hopefully this is a technical issue (I was at there site on Thursday), but it is very worrisome since Mugabe has not exactly championed freedom of the press. NewZimbabwe.com can be hilariously brutal as evidenced by the story below that I ran several weeks ago about their online pole (I wish I had the whole thing to show you now). Here's hoping they are back up and running in the near future. Well, I looked at my watch I looked at my wrist I punched myself in the face With my fist I took my potatoes Down to be mashed Then I made it on over To that million dollar bash. - Bob Dylan   From NewZimbabwe.com  comes the tragic news that  President Mugabe is insane. A story like this is so refreshing to read. What wouldn’t I give to see this same piece in a major American paper, directed to an American politician. A newzimbabwe.com poll of 2605 Zimbabweans shows that 82 percent of them think President Mugabe has gone stark raving mad, and that that a full three quarters of them would "back a precision military strike" to wipe out his ass in order to remove him from office. Mugabe has lost his senses Big Time No He's a victim of racist meddling This is so great. I am so sure that the current American administration would say "I think if you'll pay attention, you'll note that this is the sort of thing you can't say in an un-democratic country." Just to be fair, I read up on President Mugabe latest forays, and found that he indeed is insane. Right now, he's cruising around in his yacht, shopping in Asia. No problem. But last week, he stole an airliner to start his vacation. I love the honesty of the language, don't you? We asked our readers to vote in the polls supervised by Pollhost.com. In one poll – conducted through the newzimbabwe.com website - we asked if our readers thought President Mugabe had lost his senses. An amazing 82 percent of the respondents thought he had lost his senses big time, 11 percent thought he was a victim of racist meddling while only five percent trust him and think he is still sane. Okay, so  President Mugabe is on our feature board from now on, and you can look forward to many more exploits of his up until he is taken out with a precision military strike. But I need a true test of how unloved he truly is, so I went to a humor forum <also down at the moment> linked from newzimbabwe.com in search of possible rude jokes.   Share the love with a couple of the more gentle ones. Q: What is transparent and lies in a gutter? A: Mugabe with the shit kicked out of him. Q: Why Mugabe cant drive a sports car? A: Because his lips are so full of shit they flap in the wind and will rip the top of his head off. 10:39:39 AM    comment []