Busy, Busy, Busy:
The Hoover Award
Busy Busy Busy: FGAQ is proud to announce the first winner of our coveted award: The Hoover. Even though February is not quite over, and we know that dirt never sleeps, we are proud to present The Hoover to Cultural Warrior of the Month, Donald Wildmon!
Mister Wildman, in spite of thick glasses and failing health, is completing his very busiest month since January. The president of the American Family Association has been a literal white tornado, bashing evil where ever it resides. He's truly a man on a mission - a man on many missions, and there's no time to sleep. More pork sausages, ma! Poor me another cup of high test cause the battle's just begun.
Busy, busy, busy. There's glossy garbage in the supermarkets.
Once inside the "chute," our children are bombarded by the company's complete lack of respect for traditional family values. It is here grocery managers, like cattle wrangling cowboys, start branding the minds of parents and children alike with images and descriptions of casual, social, and noncommittal sex from magazines like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Redbook. Pictures of half-nude women and tips for "tantric" sex are extremely inappropriate for places which demand and require customer attendance.
Busy, busy, busy. Howard told a penis joke.
"If Karmazin is serious about cleaning up his compoany, firing Howard Stern is the only option, said AFA Chairman Don Wildmon. "Howard Stern cannot be controlled by Karmazin or anyone else," he added.
...and he's keen of correspondence.
"Our members have generated well over 1,750,000 emails to the FCC Commissioners, and their members of Congress," said AFA Chairman Don Wildmon. Wildmon said he will continue to encourage parents to contact the FCC and their elected officials. "Our message is clear," he said in a press release. "Do something to protect our children from out-of-control disc jockeys and their nasty broadcasts.
Busy, busy, busy. Gays are getting married and we've got to warn the president.
"The president understands renegade judges and mayors are taking the law into their own hands, against the will of the people," said Don Wildmon, chairman of American Family Association. He added that a million people signed a petition asking Bush to take such action.
Busy, busy, busy. There's titties at the corner store.
7-Eleven, which dropped the sale of pornographic magazines in 1986, has decided to reactivate its porn shop status. 7-Eleven is currently testing the waters in stores by selling Playboy's "50th Anniversary Collector's Edition," but indicates it may carry regular monthly issues beginning in March 2004. If 7-Eleven is allowed to sell pornography unchallenged, other retailers will take this as a sign of acceptance by other chains in our communities. This could result in nearly every corner convenience store in America displaying and selling Playboy and other porn magazines.
Busy, busy, busy. There's titties on the Superbowl.
American Family Association chairman Don Wildmon believes the indecent act was definitely intentional, despite MTV's apologies. "Given their history of sexual performances, this type of incident is standard fare. No one, especially those in charge of the show, was surprised," Wildmon says.
Busy, busy, busy. Someone don't like in God We Trust
What is it that the ACLU finds offensive? The national motto simply says: "In God We Trust." It is printed on every piece of currency produced in this country. One wonders if the ACLU would threaten to sue should someone post a framed dollar bill in a classroom?
Busy, busy, busy, the heathens are in Disneyland.
Disney's attack on America's families has become so blatant, so intentional, so obvious, that American Family Association has called for a boycott of all Disney products until such time as this activity ceases. This section of the AFA website connects you with valuable information that will help you to make your own decision about whether you or your family should continue to support the Walt Disney company..
Busy, busy, busy. Ah. Ohh... My heart... I've got to rest a minute. Whew. Well, I guess you can see my point. The man, The Man, has earned this award. And as the evil strains of (evil) Budweiser's 'Real Men of Genius' swell in the background, we salute you, Don Wildmon, Cultural Warrior Supreme, you've earned The Hoover! | 
