The Incredible Melting Man, Part Two
I got so wrapped the other night with Melting Man The Painting that I didn't get around to writing about Melting Man The Movie until it was time to hang up my keyboard for the day. Let's rectify the situation as I introduce a brand new feature that I would like to name Vaguely Remembered Cinema.
This 1977 MGM sci-fi-space-cannibal-movie gets no respect, no respect at all. It is listed in the MGM Movie Database with a 50 word description and nary a picture. Rotten Tomatoes has only a handful of reviews, The VHS is unavailable and the DVD has never been produced. (There was also a MSTK3 version which is unavailable). In spite of a cast which has all the candlepower of a bug zapper, there is one big star here: Make-up hotshot Rick Baker. And just like Tammy Faye Baker, this movie is all about the make-up, baby.
I actually saw this movie first-run on the big screen. There was a beautiful old theater that I used to live near, huge screen and velvet curtains, the sort of place where you dream of watching a movie. We always figured that it was a front operation for something illegal, because the only movies they ever showed were movies like the 'Incredible Melting Man', which was okay by me. I doubt, however, that the handful of customers who came to see classics like 'Motel Hell' was their only source of income.
Anyway, to the plot, what little there is. It's not that I don't remember much, there just was a modicum of story line. The movie is set in current time, and the music, the girls, and the scenery are just like 1977. Everything is exactly like 1977 except for the fact that America is sending manned missions to Saturn. It's just a quick trip, too. The reason that you didn't know that we had this incredible capability is because it was a government secret.
So everything is going along fine on the rocket ship, until the crew, as they're orbiting the planet, makes a fatal mistake. They look at the Sun through the rings of Saturn. Doh! Pikers! (I'm not sure why this is such a bad thing, but it is referenced elsewhere in the film. "Poor fools. They looked at the Sun through the rings of Saturn".)
A lot of psychedelic things happen after the deadly gaze, and bingo bango we're back on earth. At the hospital. In a ward which is empty except for a lot of military brass, and one lone patient who is wrapped from head to toe in bandages. He's the only survivor. Do you wonder what happened to him? Of course not. It's in the title. (We need to give him a name, since I don't remember what it was. I'm calling him Melvin.)
Late that night, Melvin pops out of bed and goes to the john. He wants to see what's under those bandages. Yiiii!!! He's all red and yucky, so he runs out of the hospital and commences to eat people.
 That's about it for the story. The General and his men have to try and hunt him down so that nobody sees him and finds out about the secret Saturn missions. The pleasure of the movie from this point on is watching him slowly disintegrate. The General, while pursuing Melvin, finds his ear stuck to a shrubbery. "Poor devil." I am reasonably certain that this was the inspiration for the ear that Kyle McLaughlin found in 'Blue Velvet'. You know what happens when a housewife hits a melting man with a spatula? (The details are fuzzy, but I know somebody hit him with something.) The arm flies right off. "Son of a bitch." One scene I am certain of, since I captured it in my masterpiece, is when Melvin is standing in agony - possibly making a horrible sound - and one of his eyes falls out of his head. "Poor devil".
Spoiler Alert, in which I reveal the end of the movie. This is probably the most unique death of a horrible monster in the annals of film history. Melvin decides, for whatever reason, to return to the secret space center. Security being rather lax, he waltzes right in. He's a real mess by this point, quite literally on his last legs. I don't recall if he still had an eye left, but he's staggering badly, and finally collapses against the wall of a secret warehouse. And then, in the films greatest special effect, he melts down into a grotesque pile of shit. The end? No, there's a punch line. We see another rocket preparing to take off, and from the control tower voice over we hear that it's going to Saturn. Poor Devils. A janitor comes out of the secret warehouse, and shaking his head in disgust, proceeds to sweep up the steaming pile of Melvin and toss him in the rubbish. Now, The End.
That's it for Vaguely Remembered Cinema. Join us next time when we try to recall Johnny Cash in his first starring role, 'Door-to-Door Maniac'. |
