Monday, March 29, 2004

Leggo my bible. Speaking at a church in St. Louis, Missouri yesterday morning, well known idolater (and blasphemous speaker of the F-word) John Kerry let loose with the following piece of propagandist scripture. ''What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but doesn't have works?", he asked rhetorically. Bush campaign spokesman Steve Schmidt, knowing a good slam when he hears one, immediately said that Kerry's remark  "was beyond the bounds of acceptable discourse and a sad exploitation of Scripture for a political attack." "I am mortified that the Demoncrats would stoop so low as to try to use the good book for evil means," Schmidt continued. "That's our bible. What we have here is a belittlement of... a heretical... an unauthorized user, that's what we have. And it just turns my belly, and the president's belly, and all the bellies of all good folks everywhere into bellies full of bile. I say, stop it, John Kerry, stop it right now. This is our shtick." Asked for a comment, Jesus wept. 1:10:46 PM    comment []

Despairing of a continual partisan squabble to lay blame for the events of 911, there are growing signs that the White House may be planning to reveal the identity of a single individual responsible for the whole shebang. A highly placed member of the administration told FGAQ that soon "it might not matter whether or not Condi speaks publicly, or whether or not Richard Clarke is a fucking liar. There's one person who is to blame for everything. It just goes to show the power of a single individual." Pictured above is Robert 'Smiling Bob' Thurston, a GS-11 at the pentagon who was hired during the Clinton Administration. This picture was captured on 911 by a security camera mounted in Level 2 Ring B, an area which was supposed to have been evacuated at the time. Thurston, 43,  who heads up the Pentagons 'Rouge Airplane Watching Corps', was mysteriously late for work on the morning of September 11, leaving the alertifying machine unmanned at a critical moment.   7:39:15 AM    comment []