Rude Relatives Drive Man Bonkers
A Worchester man is in hot water today after stabbing two rude relatives
and cutting the finger of a third. Frank Palacios pleaded not guilty to
assault and battery with intent to murder, three counts of assault and
battery with a dangerous weapon, and resisting arrest.
"Aye-yi-yi," he said from his dank and lonely
jail cell where he sits in a pool of his own urine, "you try to get along
with these people and all you get is grief. ''Uncle Frank, they say to me,
can you please use your salad fork for your salad? Uncle Frank, they say to
me, can you please keep the cranberry sause off of our nice linen
tablecloth? Uncle Frank, oh yes, they do ramble on, can you please use your
utensils? And so I did, and what does that snotty young nephew of mine do
but call the coppers on me. Real good. Real fucking good."
According to the Boston Globe, Palacios did
use his utensils, using two carving knives of the uppity family members.
''The entire episode
allegedly started when a group of people were either carving the turkey or
sitting down to eat, when [Palacios] was using his God-given fingers to
remove turkey," Deputy Superintendent Paul Campbell said.
His God-given fingers, which only moments
earlier had been folded in prayer, giving thanks for the relatives who would
only moments later betray him.
"These Calzonis, these Ubergatos, I disown
them," said Palacios. "They are ignorant, ignorant. Hand-picked turkey is by
far the finest. It's the way my dear father and his father before him ate
it, and the way that it was meant to be eaten. God gave me these fingers for
a reason." |
